electrolyte
Prominent Member
I am in serious need of some help and advice from anyone divorced with kids. My ex-wife and I are having a lot of arguments about changing access to our 7 year old son and I'd welcome some advice.
First of all some background. My relationship with my wife ended in May 2006. She moved out in July 2006 and the decree absolute was granted in Sept 2007. I stayed in the marital home and as part of the financial settlement I bought her out of her share of the house. She has bought herself a place 3 miles from me.
As she works part-time it made sense for our son to live with her and for him to stay with me a few nights a week. Since July 2006 we have operated a 3 week system. for the first 2 weeks he has stayed with me Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights and I would give him back to her at about 5ish on Sunday evening. During the 3rd week I only have him stay with me on Weds and Thurs nights. I will take him to his before school club on friday morning and she will pick him up after school. This has worked well but of course I miss not having him with me on the nights when he is with my ex. and the judge agreed that this was best for our son when he granted the divorce.
Obviously our son has struggled to get used to the fact that his parents are divorced and we both had to have chats with him explaining that we would never get back together. But he still wants us to all to live together. And who can blame him - he is only 7.
He has recently said that he would like to see his mum for a bit on weekends when he is staying with me and also vice-versa when he is staying at his Mum's. His main complaint is that sometimes during the weekend he is with me I have to do some housework or a job that needs to be done eg put some washing on, hang out some clothes, load the dishwasher, cook our dinner. he would like his mum to be able to come round when I do this and play with him in our house.
I don't think this is a good idea at all. It sends out completely the wrong message to him and will encourage him to think that his mum and dad might get back together. I would also not be able to relax while she is in my house and equally wouldn't be able to relax if I was at her house. I also value the little time I have with him and i don't want her intruding on that.
My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable. Do you agree?
First of all some background. My relationship with my wife ended in May 2006. She moved out in July 2006 and the decree absolute was granted in Sept 2007. I stayed in the marital home and as part of the financial settlement I bought her out of her share of the house. She has bought herself a place 3 miles from me.
As she works part-time it made sense for our son to live with her and for him to stay with me a few nights a week. Since July 2006 we have operated a 3 week system. for the first 2 weeks he has stayed with me Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights and I would give him back to her at about 5ish on Sunday evening. During the 3rd week I only have him stay with me on Weds and Thurs nights. I will take him to his before school club on friday morning and she will pick him up after school. This has worked well but of course I miss not having him with me on the nights when he is with my ex. and the judge agreed that this was best for our son when he granted the divorce.
Obviously our son has struggled to get used to the fact that his parents are divorced and we both had to have chats with him explaining that we would never get back together. But he still wants us to all to live together. And who can blame him - he is only 7.
He has recently said that he would like to see his mum for a bit on weekends when he is staying with me and also vice-versa when he is staying at his Mum's. His main complaint is that sometimes during the weekend he is with me I have to do some housework or a job that needs to be done eg put some washing on, hang out some clothes, load the dishwasher, cook our dinner. he would like his mum to be able to come round when I do this and play with him in our house.
I don't think this is a good idea at all. It sends out completely the wrong message to him and will encourage him to think that his mum and dad might get back together. I would also not be able to relax while she is in my house and equally wouldn't be able to relax if I was at her house. I also value the little time I have with him and i don't want her intruding on that.
My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable. Do you agree?