Alternative Movie Summaries.. (Spoiler Alert)

RetepSnikrep

Novice Member
Tongue in cheek plot summaries of some films I enjoy.
Feel free to add your own..

Note this is not a complete list or in any particular order.
It's basically the ones I think it is easier to write something vaguely amusing about.

The Perfect Storm. ๐ŸŒŠ
It gets a bit breezy for some damp all at sea fishermen who ignore the breakfast TV weather forecast before embarking on a one way jolly to Davy Jones' locker.

The Ten Commandments. ๐Ÿ™
They don't get much more biblically epic than this as God faxes down some instructions he forgot to include in the 'do it yourself' Earth kit. Typically Man fails to read/follow the simple instructions and it all falls apart within a week as Egypt gets the hump with the pyramid scheme and the cheap foreign labour force, and Moses wants a quick Brexit back to the promised land via the red sea, but forgets to turn on his sat nav.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. ๐Ÿ‘€
The iron curtain is firmly closed and twitching in this 1960's cold war caper, as double, triple and quadruple agents skulk about with collars turned up to unearth the mole for Mr Smiley...

The day the Earth caught fire. ๐Ÿฅต
Accidentally synchronised US & USSR Atom bomb posturing blasts the earth towards the sun whilst an alcoholic journalist briefly makes the Daily Express look like a proper paper.

The day the Earth stood still. (Original) ๐ŸŒ
Classic Brit actor arrives in Washington with a Theremin and a scary static robot before solving anorak level 1970's UK Open University level maths problems and telling us to mend our evil ways. 'Gort! Klatu barada nicto!'

The War of the Worlds (Original) ๐Ÿ‘ฝ
Martian alien craft on visible strings fry soldiers, civilians and the local vicar with a heat ray before catching man flu and keeling over.

The village of the damned. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
Freaky glowing eyed clone kids in rural England mind bend local yokels into shooting themselves and crashing old cars enroute to world domination.

Aliens. ๐Ÿ‘ฝ
Crack stereotype gungho Marines bottle it on scary planet fighting face hugging sushi whilst feisty little girl and surrogate mum kick alien mom's arse.

Phase 4. ๐Ÿœ
Tipping boiling water on a grumpy ants nest doesn't work out too well for isolated retro scientists in a moon dome baking in the Arizona desert.

Colossus: The Forbin Project. ๐Ÿ’พ
A US supercomputer becomes sentient and moody before self identifying as a supreme being and linking up with his binary mate behind the lacy iron curtain.

Barbarella. ๐Ÿง‘โ€๐Ÿš€
Sexy lady astronaut goes on a LSD induced futuristic space jolly in leather clad dominatrix lesbian land with hunky angels and Duran Duran on hand to tickle her fancy..

Sleeper. ๐Ÿ˜ด
Years before the rampant rabbit we had the Orgasmatron, self driving Google pods, and tin foil bodysuits as well as hats in this 1970's big brother style comedy sci fi hibernation gem from Woody Allen.

2001. ๐Ÿ’ซ
Visual space fest way ahead of its time with another rouge computer not content to take orders from some bloke called 'Dave' when there is a huge black slab of monosyllabic granite orbiting nearby Io.

Contact. ๐Ÿ“ก
Hitler phones home from the star Vega and e-mails his next History Channel Nazi Mega Weapon series plans to a cash strapped SETI astronomer who goes on a one way trip to neverland.

Logan's Run. ๐Ÿƒโ€โ™‚๏ธ
It's all the fun of the fair on the 23rd century post apocalyptic carousel for the over 30's.. It makes being swindled by gypsies in a cold wet field on unsafe contraptions in Hull very appealing.

Soylent Green. โ˜ ๏ธ
The non vegan friendly gluten free answer to a starving population and dwindling resources doesn't go down too well with our old NRA friend and nut job Charlton Heston.

The Fly. ๐ŸฆŸ
You'll need more than a PoundLand ยฃ1 bug zapper and rolled up newspaper to deal with this experimental transporter cock up.

The Terminator. โšฐ๏ธ
I can't be reasoned with or bargained with, so my Sci-Fi film list is the best.

Wall-E ๐Ÿค–
Solitary cartoon kitchen waste bin compactor toils endlessly to deal with our crap while we wallow around Saturn being force fed lard by a corporate behemoth bent on controlling every aspect of our lives. Sound familiar?

Star Wars. ๐Ÿช
These aren't the films you are looking for.... Genre defining Scfi with bells, whistles, prosthetics, droids, ion cannons and a wayward father neglecting his parental duties before chopping off an appendage in a hissy fit.

The Incredible Shrinking Man. ๐Ÿ”ฌ
Irradiated insecure snowflake fades away before gorging on stale lemon drizzle cake in the damp basement and fighting back projected arachnid, only attaining enlightenment once he is small enough to fit through a sieve.

When Worlds Collide. ๐Ÿ’ซ
Elderly Megalomaniac sponsors nerds to save Earth (him) from a comet while scientists daughter plans shag fest to repopulate the new planet with the dumb pilot. The final scene is especially touching as they blast off and leave Musk/Gates/Bezos et al (insert billionaires names here) behind.

This Island Earth. ๐ŸŒ
Scientist manages to assemble a mail order Sinclair ZX-81 computer kit in his shed, before being whisked off by Tefal heads to help fight in a space war he knows nothing about.

Them. ๐Ÿœ
Giant paper mache ants on wheels being pushed by stage hands go on a 1950's desert rampage in this post atomic test mutation black and white classic.

The Abyss. ๐ŸŒŠ
US marines go full retard whilst crusty subsea oil drillers hold out the hand of peace to floaty aquatic aliens in this deep sea claustrophobic crush depth fest.

Passengers. ๐Ÿš€
One of the unfortunates on the Ryan Air cattle class flight to a star 80 light years away wakes up from the duty free induced coma too early, before jump starting the slightly peeved gorgeous girl next to him to keep him 'company' for the next 40 years.

Jason and the Argonauts. ๐Ÿฆท
Stop motion anorexic corpses fight B movie actors in Harryhausen Greek Tragedy classic after Hydras NHS dental plan goes awol at a critical moment in history.
 

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