Momoa's having a blast, Cena thinks he's playing an entirely new character - for the better - and even Theron is halfway redeeming herself, but, apart from a suitably insane Hot Wheels Tracks-inspired extended finale, this "Part 1" is less fun than the first HALF of the any of the last six Fast & Furious flicks, and feels desperately padded out and expanded to suit the bloated plans for a Fast X trilogy.
Ten movies. Ten. No, wait. ELEVEN movies. Honestly, it's the age of long-running sagas that seem to - somehow - still feed their fanbase. Cruise's Mission: Impossible is soaring towards a seventh and eighth instalment, reaching new highs as it goes, and whilst the same cannot quite be said for the increasingly over-the-top Fast & Furious franchise, it arguably still did the impossible - overcoming a pretty poor second chapter and straight-to-dvd level third to claw its way back into relevance before exploding into a billion dollar freight train that suddenly secured some pretty damn big names. Vin Diesel, The Rock, Jason Statham, John Cena, Charlize Theron, Gal Gadot, Gina Carano, Tony Jaa, Vanessa Kirby, Idris Elba, Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren... and now the latest Jack Reacher, Alan Ritchson, Captain Marvel herself, Brie Larson, and Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa, hit the strip.
And, sure, honest, ground-level street racing and practical stunts may have long been abandoned but, in their place we get some of the most spectacular Big Screen insanity imaginable. Regular Fast & Furious director, Justin Lin - who directed no less than five entries, amidst them arguably the best, Fast Five and Fast & Furious Six - openly revealed that ideas for his last entry, easily the most ridiculous (and that's saying something) were born from the mind of his nine year old son, and that's really how you have to view the series. Like a kid playing with his hot wheels cars which, in their hands, can leap improbably through the air, sustain unimaginable damage, and drive faster than explosions. Driving up walls? No problem. Once you accept that this is the kind of cinematic universe that is basically governed by the boundless mind of a child, if you're prepared to, you can buckle up for a hell of a ride... at least that's been the case, until now.
... people would probably be better off waiting until this final trilogy has run its course and watching it as one movie, rather than a diluted three
Dom and his team have accomplished kind of a lot over the last couple of decades, graduating from street racers and thieves to global heists; running from the law then working for them, as some kind of Mission: Impossible-esque super-spy squad, in cars. But for the last 12 years he's been living on borrowed time, with an old enemy that he didn't even know he had made, biding his time, out for blood. And vengeance. Not death, but long, slow, vengeance. On everyone Dom has ever known or loved. Even people we didn't know existed. They can be introduced now just so Dom can watch more people he loved get taken away. So much vengeance. At least one movie's worth.
The Fast & Furious films don't generally need a great deal to get by. The 'family' drama has the weight of an extended Eastenders/Neighbours arc (which is, to its loyal fanbase, pretty effective), the script requires fifty percent of the jokes between the two jokers of the cast to land, and the other fifty percent to be harmless noise. And the action needs Vin Diesel to do something inhumanly impossible with his Samson super-strength (lifting cars is a staple), and a bunch of famous action stars to wade in an be allowed just enough screen time not to steal the limelight from him. And it needs lots of mad bang bang. Pretty much every movie since they torn through Brazil using a massive safe as a wrecking ball has had a 'thing'. Do the bang bang thing, then have a BBQ and say 'family' a lot. ROLL CREDITS. Simple formula, no?
Flip-cars and an eternal runway. Flying cars, a bus sliding off a cliff, jumping a car from one skyscraper to another, and "God's Eye". Zombie drone cars, rogue Dom versus EVERYONE, an Ice Charger and a car-chasing submarine. And landmines and magnets. Mega-truck-flipping magnets.
Fast X doesn't really get close to any of these until its final half hour which, in a two-and-a-half-hour movie, is a painful fact. And the drama? It's in there. Dom's son has grown up a little, there's palpably real threat to his family from bad guys, the authorities, and rogue authorities. But it's been heavily diluted by the need to suddenly expand the Fast Family to include a whole bunch of tangential characters vaguely related to already tertiary characters, dead or alive. And then put them in threat. When we don't even care about them.
... There's undoubtedly a fun ride in here somewhere. If it was trimmed down to an hour.
Then we have the new big names. Brie Larson, stepping in for Kurt Russell (because obviously Scott Eastwood wasn't felt big enough), getting to wear some appalling outfits and do next to nothing useful. TV's Aquaman, and now Jack Reacher, Alan Ritchson, who beats up some people on the set to Sesame Street, standing in for Rio, badly, in what looks like a reshoot. And then there's Jason Momoa. Who, depending on your love for Russell Brand, is either the best or worst thing about the film, dialling it up to full Brand for the duration, going wildly eccentric and - mostly - making for some memorable moments as a result (in particularly he's a hoot in every scene opposite the uber-macho Diesel). He's a pretty good antagonist - possibly the first vaguely memorable one - but will likely prove something of an acquired taste, and certainly his schtick doesn't always work, with his 12 year plan seeming really quite silly (although thoroughly standard now for a franchise which is known for its retconning) and his final moments only undermining all that damn patience.
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Some of the returning cast fare well enough - at least some of the retuning big names do - with Charlize Theron finally gifted a decent hair style and some solid action, which she rises to, even pulling off some of the funnier moments in the film. And John Cena is unrecognisably different from his wooden-as-hell performance last time out, rolling around like he's just got off the Peacemaker set and having an absolute blast in the process. But Statham's not really in this movie, saving himself for the next, which can be said about a bunch of those who 'pop up'. Indeed, the highs and lows of the cast moments are really quite extreme, with the main 'Fast Family' suffering from some really poor, downright cheap moments, including a terrible London Internet cafe scene with a Pete Davidson cameo and a handbags scuffle between Roman and Tej (who, for the first time, don't land a single joke) that appears not to have been played for laughs. Also someone has drugs, wildly hallucinates for about two seconds, then shakes himself out of it. Which, just to note, is not how they work. Even Vin feels like he's dredging the bottom of the barrel, uncovering new family around every corner now, and then struggling - even more than he normally does - to convey the emotion of them being put under threat.
There's undoubtedly a fun ride in here somewhere. If it was trimmed down to an hour (yes, an HOUR) and made for the first half of a traditional one-part instalment, rather than padded out to two-and-a-half and brought to an abrupt end, replete with cameo reveals (stay for the first post-credits scene) promising an epic finale. Somewhere along the line the franchise has lost something though, flipping villains and and bringing back old characters is getting a little tired now - not least in a movie where we actually watch characters sacrifice their lives for others, and don't feel the impact anywhere near as much as we should.
Diesel's older now, but still seems like he's got enough gas in the tank to finish this journey, as is evident from a wildly over the top final extended action sequence which absolutely is up there with the best the franchise has to offer. It's just a shame that really fans would probably be better off waiting until this final trilogy has run its course and watching it as one movie, rather than a patently diluted two or three, spread out over the next half-decade.
Fast X is in UK cinemas and IMAX from 19th May 2023.
Fast X is available in 4K Laser IMAX. Formatted specially for IMAX screens, IMAX is undoubtedly a perfect way to experience this blockbuster, not only enjoying the epic actions sequences in all their visual glory but also the aural intensity of IMAX proprietary sound to drive every chase and every explosion.
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