Kung Fu Wonder Child Review
Continuing on with 55th Chamber's ongoing quest to uncover and release more *cough* 'cult' martial arts movies for DVD consumption comes the rather sickeningly named Kung Fu Wonderchild. Given their modus operandi appears to be to release as many hoary old Asian action movies as possible to capitalise on the ironic tongue-in-cheek fanbase for clinically naff movies, then they may well have hit the motherload here. Kung Fu Wonderchild is either an unredeemable cinematic abomination or a cataclysmic brew of insanity bordering on lunatic genius. Your response, I would assume, will be directly proportional to the volume of mind altering toxins coursing through your system when you settle down and press the 'play' button on your remote control.
To explain the plot of this movie requires more ingenuity and wordplay than I certainly have at my disposal, so to keep it brief it features (unsurprisingly) a young moppet whom is prodigiously nifty with king fu. Throw in a plot involving an evil sorcerer, rocket launchers (!), a cartoon dragon and a light-relief duo that make the Chuckle Brothers look like comedy geniuses, and you're still no nearer to deciphering just what in the hell is going on.
The film boasts a truly appalling English dub, where the Wonderkid of the title (a young girl) is dubbed by what seems to be a middle-aged man putting on a comical high pitched voice. The music seems to have been taken from a stock can labelled 'Scooby Doo: comedy cues', the special effects are dated and laughable, fight scenes descent into overindulgent acrobatics, and the plot borders on the mentally unstable. This may well be hugely entertaining if watched after ten cans of special brew. Unfortunately I watched it sober, and the end result was more than a little disturbing. If so-bad-they-may-possibly-be-good-in-a-crazy-way films are your cup of tea, then Kung Fu Wonderchild is so cringeworthy then it may well seem like the ideal accompaniment to a great deal of alcohol. I have a sneaking suspicion though, spending the night with this movie may be akin to those terrible nights out on the tiles. It seemed like fun at the time, when the booze was flowing, but the next day you wake up with a headache, a sobering recollection of what happened the night before, and a dirty feeling in the pit of your stomach that you've been used.