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Would you expect to be asked for your daughter's hand in marriage?

Discussion in 'General Chat Forum' started by DrPhil, Jun 15, 2010.

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Would you expect to be asked for your daughter's hand in marriage?

Poll closed Jul 15, 2010.
  1. Yes

    36.7%
  2. No

    63.3%
  1. DrPhil

    DrPhil Active Member

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    Kinda continuing from the thread here,
    http://www.avforums.com/forums/general-chat/1271287-how-greet-my-daughters-boyfriend-4.html

    A question for all the Dads. Would you expect to be asked for your daughter's hand in marriage, or permission for him to pop the question. Is that old fashioned now? Especially since the chances are your daughter will have long since moved out of the house and in some cases be living with the guy who's popping the question!

    Is it disrespectful if he just proposes and tells you afterwards, or are we living in a modern world, you don't own your daughter so why would 1 grown man have to ask another grown man's permission to marry her?
  2. Flimber

    Flimber Well-Known Member

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    You kind-of know the answer from the Bad Boys II vid :)

    Are you turning into the forums-own Jeremy Kyle mate ? :D
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  3. THE AMATUER

    THE AMATUER Active Member

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    I wouldn't say it was disrespectful just an old tradition that probably getting rarer as the years go on. At the end of the day if you say 'no' its not going to stop them.
  4. CraigofScotland

    CraigofScotland Active Member

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    I have no intention on asking MrsCraigsDad if I can marry her.

    This isnt the victorian times.


    "Xcuse me Dougie, you know how ive lived with your daughter for 5 years and have a home togerther etc, is it still ok to marry her? " :rolleyes:
  5. Kebabhead

    Kebabhead Active Member

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    Never asked the father in law
  6. chrisduggan

    chrisduggan Member

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    I remember I asked my Morther in law and showed her the ring for approval. Felt the right thing to do.
  7. Desmo

    Desmo Well-Known Member

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    I'd like to be asked and I asked my future father in law. It's not so much about actually asking, but it does show a certain level of respect and I'm a sucker for tradition with things like that. I'm even having a mini stag do the night before the wedding :D
  8. phairplay

    phairplay Active Member

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    I wouldn't dream of not asking the future MRS phairplay's Father.
  9. Lee

    Lee Moderator

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    I'd be disappointed if I wasn't asked. I asked my father in law and remember it being a very nervy occasion and being delighted when he said yes.

    Would any dad say no?
  10. Desmo

    Desmo Well-Known Member

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    Well, judging by the other thread,....... :rotfl:
  11. Bald Monkey

    Bald Monkey Active Member

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    If they did say no, wouldn't you ask anyway?? :D
  12. DrPhil

    DrPhil Active Member

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    I didn't ask, and there were a number of reasons. I'd have no problem doing it but wouldn't feel obliged to.

    • She never particularly got on with her Dad. She wasn't a terribly bad child/teenager but she never hid the badness she was getting up to, whereas her sister pulled the wool over Daddy's eyes, got up to way more mischeif growing up but always played the role of Daddy's girl and was therefore considered the "good girl" and my missus considered a rebel. As a result they fought a lot and he treated her pretty badly.

    • She's a bit of a feminist and wouldn't appreciate being asked for, like a transfer request. He doesn't own her, etc etc.

    We did tell him first, so as not to be disrespectful and have him hear it from someone else, and his response was "it's about time"... :facepalm:
  13. Flimber

    Flimber Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't expect to be asked but I'd like to be :)
  14. THE AMATUER

    THE AMATUER Active Member

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    Remember its also tradition for the brides family to pay for the wedding as well, wonder how many times that happens? I guess if someone ask for the fathers permission to marry his daughter then there might be an expectation that the brides family pay for the wedding...
  15. shodan

    shodan Active Member

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    My in laws are a a pair of no good, selfish, ignorant, arrogant, lying, scumbag pieces of **** who I wouldn't ask if they wanted a cup of tea, let alone ask their permission to marry the missus.
  16. Solomon Grundy

    Solomon Grundy Active Member

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    I didn't ask and he was miffed! I would expect to be asked.
  17. zebredy

    zebredy Member

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    My husband said to my mother, 'I'm gona ask your daughter to marry me etc', and she was over the moon, not that he told her, but that he was going to pop the question.

    It was a nice reaction from my mum.

    I told my husband outright (if he ever wanted to ask me to marry him) not to ask my dad even if he was 99.9% likely to say yes.

    Two reasons, first I don't have a great relationship with my dad (yes I love him, but sometimes I really cant stand him)

    Second and the main reason, as usual he would have made some rude joke about it all (not realising how his joke came across to others), and wound me up again, which is not what I would have wanted...

    It wasn't done to intentionally hurt my dads feelings (which Im assuming it didnt) just its something special to us, and not something we wanted someone to make stupid childish jokes about for half hour or so.

    My husband wanted to do the traditional things, like church wedding etc (we ended up in a registry office, due to cost) and asking the father for my hand in marriage was one of them (but even he can't stand the man sometimes which is good for me, so we changed the rules here slightly)
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2010
  18. FZR400RRSP

    FZR400RRSP Well-Known Member

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    I would expect to be asked.
    He should expect to hear "No"
    I should then expect them to go ahead with it anyway.
  19. bsuttie

    bsuttie Member

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    A good friend's prospective son in law turned up on his doorstep recently to ask this question.

    Unfortunately he didn't take his police uniform off first so my friend's first thought was "OMG what's happened?" (daughter is also in police force).

    Anyway, once he got over the shock he was delighted to have been asked the question.

    I think I would be too.

    regards

    Brian
  20. CH_Peter

    CH_Peter Active Member

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    I asked and he was delighted to be asked. It was a nice moment.
  21. Iccz

    Iccz Active Member

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    Not being a father I can't answer it from that point of view, but the chances are I wouldn't ask permission, though it would depend on their parents, how I got on with them and just generally how they felt about things, I would do it out of respect if I got the impression they were the type that would appreciate/prefer that.
  22. IronGiant

    IronGiant Moderator

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    I asked, I'm not sure about my two girls as the world will have moved on a fair bit by the time I might be in the same position, but as Flimber said, I'd like to be asked.
  23. Noggin1980

    Noggin1980 Active Member

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    I don't think it's desrepectful to the father if you don't ask but you might find it's desrespectful to your girlfriend if you do. She isn't property, she doesn't need permission and many modern women would be offended at having someone else asked about marrying them especially before them.
  24. DrPhil

    DrPhil Active Member

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    I suppose the next question for those who said they'd expect to be asked, is why? Respect?
  25. FZR400RRSP

    FZR400RRSP Well-Known Member

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    Because I want the chance to say "No".
  26. Iccz

    Iccz Active Member

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    You believe that would stop anything, except you getting invited to the wedding? :p
  27. DrPhil

    DrPhil Active Member

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    Why say no to what makes your daughter happy? :confused:
  28. kBm

    kBm Active Member

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    Yes i would.

    Yes i did.

    :)
  29. DrPhil

    DrPhil Active Member

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    Her Dad announced the week before the wedding that he wasn't coming, because he was annoyed about the guest list. Told her he wouldn't walk her down the aisle and wouldn't attend at all.

    We said "OK"...

    He backed down.
  30. DPinBucks

    DPinBucks Active Member

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    I was asked by my prospective son-in-law, though I confess to being slightly surprised. They'd been living together for a couple of years. TBH, I thought it was rather a quaint gesture, and though not surprised at the engagement, I certainly wasn't expecting to be asked. I said, yes, so long as I didn't have to give a speech at the wedding, though a fat lot of good that did!!

    I didn't ask Mrs Buck's dad when we got married a long, long time ago. Our feelings even then were, so long as she was over 18, which she was, asking Dad would be a bit silly, because what in practice could he do about it?

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