Discussion in 'General Chat' started by =adrian=, Jul 26, 2013.
I don't visit reddit. It's from imgur
Got Married. Had kids.
I have a friend.
He's just like me.
My wife sent me a text message that read "now that you're home, can you bring me up a glass of water?".
I was still at work.
The coroners hand wavered just before his scalpel blade cut into the flesh, sending little rivulets of cold blood cascading onto the cold, metal, table.
Please stop, I thought, I'm still alive.
Three words no man wants to hear:
Is it in?
The general anaesthetic didn't work as intended, and I was screaming out loud from the inside.
Not a noise was heard by the surgeon as the scalpel flinched my eye.
The police officer announced "Your son and/or brother is dead!".
That was just the beginning of the families nightmare...
Amidst the chaos surrounding him, he looked up and tried to make out the words on the sign, barely able to concentrate due to the overwhelming heat, constant noise and not-quite-human beings surrounding him. He knew all hope was lost as the words became clear: "Primark Sale".
The Cameron cock block was turned on. A million perverts cried out in rage and were suddenly on a government watch list.
Silent apart from her crunching steps, she'd been trying to get out from the forest for over an hour now. So, confused and tired from running, she stopped for breath and to squeeze some life back into her tiring legs, then turned to wonder if she was getting closer to a way out: he was still walking towards her and every now and then the dying sun would skim off his sword like fire.
What's on tele, sweetheart?
Sex and the City.
And then the kids put some Justin Bieber on the stereo...
That's just sick
New console announced.
Can't share games.
The babysitter couldn't relax with the children's lifesize clown doll being plonked in the corner so she rang the mother to ask permission to put it in another room.
"We haven't got a clown doll" the mother replied.
Slowly, gently, he raised from his slumber with an aching neck and the feeling of a hangover but he had not been drinking. As his senses returned he realised he was sitting in a chair, his hands unable to move as if tied, his focussing eyes realising that the severed head in his lap was staring into his soul.
"Good morning, I'm from the tax office."
"We don't seem to have had any tax returns for the last twenty years."
Well that's my nightmare sorted for later...
It always reassured Betty when in the middle of the night she would dangle her hand down from the bed for her pet dog to lick it.
After such an experience, one morning she went to the bathroom to find a message written in blood on her mirror: "I can lick too...."
The Catholic Priest had me bent forward over the alter, pants around my ankles.
The stink of sacramental wine on his breath as he announced, "prepare to receive the rod of Christ!".
Holy good god, that sent a shiver down my spine reading that
In the frozen Artic they did spy the ship bearing the Emperors name adrift amongst the ice and found the crew resting in their bunks, and the captain in the bridge, pen in hand.
The ship was reported missing 80 years earlier.
You walk into the bathroom at night.
Barry Scott is there, turns around, with his 'Killit Bang', about to spray it into your face.
It's the contortion-ism in this story that frightens me.
The lights went off, the blackness enveloped the room. The only sound i could hear was my own breathing, until the unmistakeable snap of someone putting on a rubber glove, came from behind me and a muffled laugh from in front of me.
I can do it in one.
'Simply Red reunion'
Dad..... I support Manchester United.
X Factor starts next week
The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams.
I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.
best one i've read
Separate names with a comma.