[koeman]

Our daughter is 14months old and i would say in the last 9 months shes been in her own room i could count on one hand the amount of times she has stayed there all night without waking.

She has 1 bottle of milk before bed and can easily get through one other during the night. She normally sleeps from about 8pm till 12am no problems but after that she will have to come to our bed and falls back asleep after a bit of milk. If i then try to put her back in bed she wakes instantly and cries till she comes back to our bed. She will then stay there till 6am or so.

She has one or two naps at nursery during the day, but she gets grumpy late afternoon normally because she;s tired.

I initially thought she was hungry but ive tried giving her some toast or something before bed and she doesnt want it.

Help!!! any advice? i want to get her back into her own bed for a full nights sleep.

The odd thing is when she stays at grandparents they "claim" she sleeps all night, im not sure if they just say that or not.

[u8myufo]

Hi koeman, it might sound harsh but if she wakes in the night then leave her in there until she cries herself back to sleep, end of imo. You have already started to make a rod for your own back by taking her into your room and giving her more milk.

[IL Cattivo]

Originally Posted by u8myufo

Hi koeman, it might sound harsh but if she wakes in the night then leave her in there until she cries herself back to sleep, end of imo. You have already started to make a rod for your own back by taking her into your room and giving her more milk.

and this is the all too familiar trap a lot of parents fall into and one which the wife and I shall be avoiding at all costs....

Currently our 3 1/2 month old pretty much sleeps from 7pm to 6am without as much as a wimper all night. He has had the odd night where he's woken up at 11pm or 1am, but we shall never bring him into our room as a comforter for him. Too many of our friends with babies are already suffering the repercussions of doing so early on in their child's development. They must learn to sleep independently sooner rather than later or they'll be a price to pay further down the line, that's for sure.

I know it's easier said than done for some... but perseverance will eventually pay.

[liamt]

Originally Posted by IL Cattivo

and this is the all too familiar trap a lot of parents fall into and one which the wife and I shall be avoiding at all costs....

Currently our 3 1/2 month old pretty much sleeps from 7pm to 6am without as much as a wimper all night. He has had the odd night where he's woken up at 11pm or 1am, but we shall never bring him into our room as a comforter for him. Too many of our friends with babies are already suffering the repercussions of doing so early on in their child's development. They must learn to sleep independently sooner rather than later or they'll be a price to pay further down the line, that's for sure.

I know it's easier said than done for some... but perseverance will eventually pay.

as you say, easier said than done. ours doesnt like going to bed to early so he often doesnt get to go to bed until 8:30 - 9pm. then wakes up 2/3 times a night. has some bottle and goes back to sleep. so it seems he is hungry.

it didnt help that he was 7 weeks early and needed 3 hourly feeds for a couple of months, which seems to have set him up for waking every night.

[koeman]

That seems the same situation. She definately wants the milk. Maybe we will start giving her milk in her bed and leaving her with it to go back to sleep.

[u8myufo]

Originally Posted by koeman

That seems the same situation. She definately wants the milk. Maybe we will start giving her milk in her bed and leaving her with it to go back to sleep.

Well worth a try. It is a bit like the one`s who let their kids stay up a bit longer each time before bed. Next thing you know the parents are moaning " My child does not like going to bed at a decent time what can we do? " Duh!!!

[YankTank]

Kids and sleep are a common theme on here......check out the other sleep thread running concurrently !

One big mistake in my humble opinion is the milk you are giving her in the night.....your child will get used to this and their body will gat used to it/crave it. If you feel they are thirsty give them boiled water, but really there is no reason they should not go straight through without food/fluid at that age.

Kids get used to associations at different places so it just maybe that your child knows that she cant play her grandparents up the way she does with you?.....or maybe its the grandparents with selective memory/only seeing the good !

Again IMO just don't let her in your bedroom - any 'care' that needs to be done, do it in her room. Use the controlled crying technique...it really is very effective. Be prepared to tough it out.

From reading your post it seems your child is 'playing you'/setting the rules.....you set the routine, take control and determine what happens and the child must used to it...so devise a good plan for you and your home and stick to it pretty rigidly.....younger kids really do appreciate/benefit from routine and structure. I would suggest that 8pm is late for a child of this age to go to bed....until ours was 5 he went to bed (in bed) at 6.30pm which left times for cuddles and stories (sleeping through to 6.30am. He now goes a 7ish (sleeping through to 6am). Our 10 year old goes to bed for 8pm which allows him time for reading in bed for an hour or so before sleep. Routine and structure are so important from word go....I say this with two children who very very rarely wake up at night.

The words rod and own back spring to mind !

------

I have cut and pasted my comments from other thread........


1. Cruel to be kind. Very structured bedtime routine....kids then know whats happening and at what time, no confusion.

2. You set the child's bed time, not the child. They are a child, they don't know whats best for them (period).

3. If they get out of bed, put them back to bed without much talking - let them know you love them but tell them how you want things to be.

4. It will get worse before it gets better....expect it.

5. The controlled crying thing does work 100%.... leave your child to cry for longer time periods each time before you go to them (this is mainly for when they are smaller, still in cot)

6. Im not sure I would have put it on the same way as another contributor did in this thread 'its like raining a dog' but I agree with then sentiment.....you have to train kids into good sleep patterns just like you have to train yourself to sleep well.

7. Mums and Dads bedroom is strictly out of bounds to kids.....its a private place of sanctity for you to get rest (and wife)...... and the 'private' things things that go on there are very important for your relationship to survive in the long term......

8. If you dont crack this issue it really can get out of control. Kids sleep badly, they are grouchy all day = more arguments in the house = more argument between parents = bad feeling = bad sexual relations = more bad feeling/lack of closeness/connectedness = lack of parental united front (absolutely key; kids will pick at any cracks in inconstant parenting)....tired child = poor concentration at school = poor results = problems!!!

9. Let your kids know you parents are in control......the kids are kids, they don't know best, and it will be some time before they do.

[koeman]

fully understand where you are coming from.

The original reason we have got into this situation is because she's had some serious health problems and when she's not been well we didnt want to leave her on her own. which we now regret obviously.

WIll have a look into ths controlled crying

[Parky25]

Hi look up night terrors. My little girl has been suffering for years. Not much you can do either. They say just try and comfort. She looks right though me and is clearly not awake.
Hopefully she will grow out of it but, it runs in the family so they say.... I sleep walk and talk so I get the blame lol.

[YankTank]

Originally Posted by koeman

fully understand where you are coming from.

The original reason we have got into this situation is because she's had some serious health problems and when she's not been well we didnt want to leave her on her own. which we now regret obviously.

WIll have a look into ths controlled crying

There is no manual or training for having kids. You have to take a test to drive a car but anyone can have kids...the point is, you just have to make the best decision with the information you have at the time (when she was sick you decided the right thing was she came in with you and stand by it..... as you you made that decision for the right reasons)....dont beat yourself up!! She's still very young so there is time to get things sorted for the longterm

[KyleS1]

We were the same with out little girl (10 months), where we would bring her into our bed anywhere from 3am- 5am. We did this as she had silent reflux and was on medication from 6 weeks old. You could often see the pain on her face with it, and she took a lot of comfort from being with us. That has now passed, but the coming into our bed hadn't, so a week or so ago, we tried controlled crying. Short story, it worked. It's hard for a few days/week, but once you are passed that, it's plain sailing.
She is now sleeping from 7:30pm until between 5-6am. She used to wake up at least once a night, and was often in our bed from about 3:30/4 as she wouldn't settle back in her own bed.
Now we put her to bed awake and she just goes to sleep on her own. If she wakes in the night, she knows we wont come, so just goes back to sleep. Occasionally we hear a wimper for a few secs, then she is zonked again. She also now sleeps longer. She still comes in our bed if she wakes after 5, as that is her usual getting up time, but lately she has been waking closer to 6 and we get up not long after 6 anyway, so just bring her in our room.

I have read that it doesn't work for everyone, but it is worth a try. It is very hard at first to hear them crying, but just remember, they aren't in pain, they are fine, and try to have something to distract you.
Oh and read up on the different techniques. It's not just a case of leaving them in there crying and that is it.

Hope that helps.

[IL Cattivo]

Originally Posted by YankTank

One big mistake in my humble opinion is the milk you are giving her in the night.....your child will get used to this and their body will gat used to it/crave it. If you feel they are thirsty give them cooled boiled water, but really there is no reason they should not go straight through without food/fluid at that age.

Just thought I would correct that.... You never know!

[KyleS1]

IMHO at 14 months babies do not need any milk at night.
Lola is now 10 months and hasn't had any since she was about 6 months old. Everything I have read seems to think that they take it for comfort but actually need it. Hence why dummies are good. They will suck on it for comfort, but don't need the milk. But not everyone wants to use a dummy.

[neilios]

Originally Posted by KyleS1

IMHO at 14 months babies do not need any milk.
Lola is now 10 months and hasn't had any since she was about 6 months old. Everything I have read seems to think that they take it for comfort but actually need it. Hence why dummies are good. They will suck on it for comfort, but don't need the milk. But not everyone wants to use a dummy.

Lotties still drinking cows milk from a cup and she's 17 months....Juice is banned in our house...

[KyleS1]

Originally Posted by KyleS1

IMHO at 14 months babies do not need any milk.
Lola is now 10 months and hasn't had any since she was about 6 months old. Everything I have read seems to think that they take it for comfort but actually need it. Hence why dummies are good. They will suck on it for comfort, but don't need the milk. But not everyone wants to use a dummy.

Originally Posted by neilios

Lotties still drinking cows milk from a cup and she's 17 months....Juice is banned in our house...

I meant at night.