[shodan]

I am now sitting upstairs on the laptop because if I had stayed downstairs I would have lost my temper with my now 4 year old. He is being a complete **** today!

Literally from the moment he woke up he has been ****ing terrible!
All day the missus and I have had to tell him off, shout at him sometimes, stick him on the naughty step, threaten him with early bed or taking things away etc as he has been pushing and pushing.
He has been pretty much ignoring us and doing whatever the **** he wants and when he has done something naughty he HAS THEN LIED ABOUT IT!!!

I have gone through truth and lies with him lots so he knows the difference. ie if he is wearing a red t-shirt I ask him that if I say he is wearing a red t-shirt, would that be a truth or a lie and he gets it right. I have done this with lots of other examples with him so I know that he knows the difference.

I hate telling him off and it hurts me every time I do, especially as I always make a concious effort to be the best dad I can be.
He doesn't want for anything although he isn't spoilt, too much. He gets constant attention from us and we always take part in stuff and play together and get him to help out with some of the "grown up" jobs and chores, we also give him plenty of time to play by himself or watch tv or use the laptop or the playstation to the point where I know he may be a bit spoilt but that isn't really a problem. He also gets discipline too and is expected to dress himself, with a little encouragement and a pretty strict eating and sleeping routine.

I don't know if it is just another phase he is going through or behaviour he is learning at school or what but it bloody scared me how close I came to hitting him. Thank god I was able to walk away knowing the missus was able to keep an eye on him while I went to calm down and vent here. I doff my cap to the successful single parents out there!!!

OK vented now and feel a bit better.. Will now go downstairs, get them into their pj's and the little (****ers) angels can have an early night. They normally go to bed a 7pm but today they will be in bed by 7...


I also try to keep things in perspective and try to remember that there are parents out there who would love for their children to be able to be naughty etc etc

[Desmo]

It's what kids do, he's pushing the boundaries. I don't have any of my own, but with five nieces and nephews ranging from 6-13 I've seen it plenty of times. It's just another phase they go through and eventually will come out the other side and then hit the teens

[SevloW]

Sounds like a normal, healthy 4 year old boy to me - most of them act this way in my experience. My son was a s*d when he was little, my daughter however, was a little angel . My (ex) wife once said to me that if our son was born first she would not have had anymore children . I now have 3 grandsons of 2, 5 and 6 and they are no different. Little b*****s !

[shodan]

And on his 18th birthday I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat...

[SevloW]

He looks like an Angel to me if that's him in your profile picture

[back again]

Originally Posted by shodan

And on his 18th birthday I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat...

pity you have to wait that long

[richard plumb]

at that age he probably isn't 'lying' in the sense that we know it. He's simply denying things. You could be standing in front of him as he does something (so red handed) and ask him, and he'll deny it. Its like he doesn't realise you can see or know what has happened.

Doesn't help you from being massively frustrated, just that it isn't necessarily conscious like it would be in an older child or adult.

again, doesn't help but all you can do IMO is be consistent with punishments. Naughty step after one/two clear warnings, don't punish too long after the offense or he won't know what he is being punished for and get confused, don't be afraid to take away TV time/computer games for a few days.

One I like is taking away toys each time they're naughty. At first they don't really care - they have loads of toys right? but after a while they see the black bin bag getting fuller and fuller, and their available toys getting fewer and fewer and it starts to sink in.

There isn't a simple answer though, other than the more you let them get away with, the longer it'll take to fix. eg if they scream for 5 minutes and you give in, they'll keep doing it. You have to break them

[Pincho Paxton]

Originally Posted by shodan

And on his 18th birthday I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat...

You sound... odd.

[shodan]

Originally Posted by richard plumb

at that age he probably isn't 'lying' in the sense that we know it. He's simply denying things. You could be standing in front of him as he does something (so red handed) and ask him, and he'll deny it. Its like he doesn't realise you can see or know what has happened.

Doesn't help you from being massively frustrated, just that it isn't necessarily conscious like it would be in an older child or adult.

again, doesn't help but all you can do IMO is be consistent with punishments. Naughty step after one/two clear warnings, don't punish too long after the offense or he won't know what he is being punished for and get confused, don't be afraid to take away TV time/computer games for a few days.

One I like is taking away toys each time they're naughty. At first they don't really care - they have loads of toys right? but after a while they see the black bin bag getting fuller and fuller, and their available toys getting fewer and fewer and it starts to sink in.

There isn't a simple answer though, other than the more you let them get away with, the longer it'll take to fix. eg if they scream for 5 minutes and you give in, they'll keep doing it. You have to break them

I have the same views as you on it and I don't normally let it get to me but it has just been SO bad today. But with regards to your last line, no problem I could almost enjoy it... They are both in bed now. He went up, pretty much kicking and screaming but he didn't really fight me over it and I suspect that was because he knew there was no point and it would only make things worse. Tried to have another talk with him about it when I put him to bed but it fell on deaf ears. I told him that I still love him and that if he is a good boy tomorrow then he might get a treat, but he will have to work hard at being good.

[shodan]

Originally Posted by Pincho Paxton

You sound... odd.

Pot calling the kettle black..

[Phil57]

Originally Posted by Pincho Paxton

You sound... odd.

Get real man, get real.

[Stefano]

What ever happend to a good old slap on the bum? Never mind that naughty step nonsense...

[shodan]

Originally Posted by Stefano

What ever happend to a good old slap on the bum? Never mind that naughty step nonsense...

I was never smacked and I don't agree that violence is a solution to naughty behaviour. Plus I think if he does something bad enough to warrant being hit then I'd be so angry that it would likely cause significant harm.

And what about my little girl? 19 months old. Should I smack her if she is naughty too?
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[Stefano]

Originally Posted by shodan

I was never smacked and I don't agree that violence is a solution to naughty behaviour. Plus I think if he does something bad enough to warrant being hit then I'd be so angry that it would likely cause significant harm.

In that case you might want to look in to anger management

[SevloW]

Originally Posted by Stefano

What ever happend to a good old slap on the bum? Never mind that naughty step nonsense...

The naughty step works suprisingly well for my daughter - she usually gives them to the count of 3 to comply with what she has told them before they are put on the step. Probably works 8 times out of 10.

[IAN P]

You can post in old threads fella.... You tick the box underneath the reply box which acknowledges the thread is old and you're good to go.

[signs]

Shodan , i have two girls , one 18 one 9 and a little lad of 3 , he is a total nightmare! so i sympathise completely with you .

thing is i'm still a bit old school and dish out a swift smack to the arse , but the wife is "new" school and would rather "talk" it through , he plays her for the mug she is and runs her ragged .

[shodan]

To be fair to him, he is normally a very good boy and a pleasure to be with but he has been getting worse lately. Like I said, I don't know if its the influence of another child in school or what. I'm hoping that by not giving in an inch to him today and having to come down on him real hard that it'll be a bit like a system restore or reset to factory settings type of thing and he'll be as good as gold again tomorrow.

[Graham_IoM]

Originally Posted by shodan

And on his 18th birthday I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat...

No you won't cos he'll be towering above you then.

[shodan]

Originally Posted by Stefano

In that case you might want to look in to anger management

If I hadn't managed my anger then I'd have walloped him a few times today!

[SBT]

I know some don't agree,but a quick smack always works
Sometimes they're so naughty that nothing else worked.Within a few minutes they would be cuddled up on my lap .

[lynx]

Originally Posted by shodan

And on his 18th birthday I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat...

Yeah yeah, by that time, they will be 6'4" and you will be borderline decrepit

[kopchoir]

Originally Posted by shodan

To be fair to him, he is normally a very good boy and a pleasure to be with but he has been getting worse lately. Like I said, I don't know if its the influence of another child in school or what. I'm hoping that by not giving in an inch to him today and having to come down on him real hard that it'll be a bit like a system restore or reset to factory settings type of thing and he'll be as good as gold again tomorrow.

My 6 year old is becoming a little naughty at times not naughty but just wont listen i know kids are like that but its getting worse and now has an answer for everything.

I took her to the library today to open her a library card because of her excellent school report(she loves books)
But i must of asked her about 8 times in the space of 30 mins to go brush her teeth before bed.
Finally did it and she mentioned me reading her another chapter of a book we got today.
No was my answer as its taken you that long to brush your teeth its now to late and its bed time.
Tears ensued and so did the its not fair 6 year old as well but it worked i rarely raise my voice so when i do she knows im not about.
Ive also started to take things awau from her that she enjoys when she doesnt do as she is told.

Thing is with kids espeically my little girl is make sure she knows who the boss is because if she doesnt she will think that she is.

Good luck mate i agree with everything others have said even a smack on the arse is sometimes needed its not as if your beating the hit out of your kids.
A slight tap on the bum IMO is a stable way to go i used to get the slipper my how times have changed

[Crocodile]

Don't want to derail the thread & won't post further, but I have a bit of an issue with corporal punishment being scorned on the basis that violence is never a justifiable solution. If that's the case, what are our troops doing in Iraq & Afghanistan? Why are our aircraft bombing Tripoli? Why are our police officers throwing drunken, violent yobs to the floor, whacking them with batons or spraying them with pepper in town centres up & down the country every weekend?

A smacked arse applied to a naughty child is deemed an assault worthy of criminal proceedings but spraying munitions around the world is apparently OK...

Maybe it's my age but it seems a peculiar concept to educate a child that violence is never acceptable & then as soon as they're old enough, offer to sign them up & train them to commit the ultimate act of violence.

[richard plumb]

Originally Posted by kopchoir

My 6 year old is becoming a little naughty at times not naughty but just wont listen i know kids are like that but its getting worse and now has an answer for everything.

I took her to the library today to open her a library card because of her excellent school report(she loves books)
But i must of asked her about 8 times in the space of 30 mins to go brush her teeth before bed.
Finally did it and she mentioned me reading her another chapter of a book we got today.
No was my answer as its taken you that long to brush your teeth its now to late and its bed time.
Tears ensued and so did the its not fair 6 year old as well but it worked i rarely raise my voice so when i do she knows im not about.
Ive also started to take things awau from her that she enjoys when she doesnt do as she is told.

Thing is with kids espeically my little girl is make sure she knows who the boss is because if she doesnt she will think that she is.

Good luck mate i agree with everything others have said even a smack on the arse is sometimes needed its not as if your beating the hit out of your kids.
A slight tap on the bum IMO is a stable way to go i used to get the slipper my how times have changed

we get this with our daughter - gets immediately distracted from her tasks by the tiniest thing.

For bedtime we now have a rule - 7:30 go and get ready for bed. If you aren't ready by 8:00, Daddy isn't reading you a story. We put a clock up in her room so she can check and so far its worked well.


TBH, ours are pretty well behaved, other than my daughter's dawdling. But both will be lawyers when they grow up - their backchat and pedantry would win medals :/

[shodan]

Crocodile - Because sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
I don't think that you are making a sensible comparison when you compare child rearing with the use of force for lawful reasons or in overthrowing a government bent on the death or destruction of its own people.

But I hope I never have to hit and hurt my children. There quite simply MUST be another way to deal with my boy being naughty rather than striking him.

[Solar]

Originally Posted by shodan

I have gone through truth and lies with him lots so he knows the difference. ie if he is wearing a red t-shirt I ask him that if I say he is wearing a red t-shirt, would that be a truth or a lie and he gets it right. I have done this with lots of other examples with him so I know that he knows the difference.

you can not drill such things into a child's head at such a young age.
He may know the difference between the 2 things you are showing him, but he in no way understands how lies can affect people yet. He still doesn't know what a lie is, I guarantee it.

He isn't being naughty, he's just being a normal healthy 4 year old who you haven't manage to control today.

[its_all_Greek]

Although my daughter is a year older than yours, she too has days that are like the one you have just had.
i find that the only thing to break the cycle is to jump onto anything that she does even slightly out of line, like a ton of bricks to basically break her down. It harsh and i feel like a ***** during the telling's off/shouting but we are usually back on track within a few hours or the next morning at the worst. Obviously every child and relationship is different so what works for one doesn't always work for others so good luck with what ever method ends up working for you.

[Abbeygoo]

I feel your pain Shodan, I feel your pain.

Remarkably, you can take some positives from this. Children who misbehave and then lie about it are seemingly more intelligent ...... they realise quite quickly if they tell the truth they will be in trouble and so work out ways to avoid the consequences. I remember reading about it and thinking "yeah right!" but it does seem to make sense if you think about it in the cold light of day.

Your 6 year old boy is simply growing up and developing his free will. It is a sign of development, a sign of growth and a sign that he is progressing well. It doesn't feel like it now, I grant you but my boy (nearly 6) is exactly the same.

The key is finding the right trigger. Threatening to take away toys or ice cream or whatever might not work ...... taking away PS3 time works for us ... or that he can't watch WWE or play football in the back garden.

Kids can see right through threats that you won't carry out. I hear my wife screaming, "If you don't get ready now, I'll take you to school in your pyjamas ..." You can almost hear my son thinking, "erm, no you won't" .... I always give him an incentive to behave rather than a punishment when he doesn't ... if you get me. "If you get your school uniform on by the time I'm out of the shower .... then we can watch WWE before school ... " Woooossshhhh!!! He always wins ....

It's a real tester when children misbehave but accept it as part of him growing up and being prepared to push boundaries where he can. And love him for it!

All the best fella.

[Officer M107]

I had to calmly ask my partner to remove my 19 month old daughter from the room I was in as she found a permanent market on my computer desk while our backs were turned and decided to draw all over my iMac Magic Mouse & Keyboard. !