[Setenza]

This is Donald Piano. He is a feral cat. He regularly stroll through the garden, hosing it down with his "good stuff".

He also makes unwarranted amorous advances towards Maisie (indigenous moggy), who was actually bitten by him this week. The vet's bill was £80.

So I decided to take pre-emptive action. I wanted to not only discourage Mr Piano, but assert my authority and restructure the dynamics of our relationship.

A few minutes ago after I had finished hanging out the washing, I noticed the aforementioned feral interloper sunning himself on the wall and basically giving it Jake the Peanut and Charlie Potato.

I quickly nipped indoors and into the downstairs toilet. I shortly returned with a pint mug of my own foaming urine. I stealthily made my way into the garden maintaining a nonchalant air.

I scored a direct hit on Mr P. just as he was attempting to jump into the alley.

I would draw your attention to the fact that I was on the beer and curry last night, so my "man musk" must have been quite ripe.

Have I done the right thing or carried out an act of animal cruelty?

[biggles1958]

spot on!!

i got one of the buggers the other day about to have a dump in my garden - shame i was 'field testing' my professional grade pressure washer!!

cat last seen disappearing with a turd still hanging out of its ass!!

[Miyazaki]

Should have laced your **** with battery acid.

[biggles1958]

let me state quite categorically - i hate cats dumping on my garden but i would never kill one or do serious harm

but if my Lab catches one - well thats fair game!!

[danmc_82]

Fair play, at least your not cruel enough to hurt it. There seems to be a nasty moggy on all streets. Both my cats always end up in fights with it. Moggy doesnt seem to like it when I try and join in

[Sporran]

Thanks XOD.

I dont have a cat but both neighbours do, we have a nice garden and 2 from one side and 1 from other always seem to use our garden as a loo.

I tried pepper, i tried oranges ive tried most things, except what you used.

So as i down this stella i think forwards to the fun i will have later.

Thank you.

PS> Aint told the misses yet what i will be doing lol

[jaketheb]

Should have shot him with a low power air rifle with a target pellet. I don't think it's illegal if the cat is not a pet. :D

[GasDad]

Originally Posted by Sporran

Thanks XOD.


So as i down this stella i think forwards to the fun i will have later.

For best results wait until the morning - preferably after sex the night before (there you go you've got an excuse) - more protein etc in your sample.

If you live next door to a vicar - fill up a watering can inside

[Naaktgeboren]

LOL, funny stuff. As a fellow resident of Rochester, if I happen to notice Mr Piano sporting his new cologne, I will add a pint glass of my own

[pete1866]

Animal cruelty i think to your question. Some of you don`t get out often at a guess , would happily contact the rspca if i saw someone shooting a cat.

[eric pisch]

All domesticated animals are now protected under the Animal Welfare Act 2006

(1) A person commits an offence if—
(a) an act of his, or a failure of his to act, causes an animal to suffer,
(b) he knew, or ought reasonably to have known, that the act, or failure to
act, would have that effect or be likely to do so,
(c) the animal is a protected animal, and
(d) the suffering is unnecessary.

Note - animals gone wild are exempt!

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/ACTS/acts2006...0060045_en.pdf

[Chaos]

I don't see why you had to collect the urine in a jar first. You should have gone for a direct hit from source.

[biggles1958]

Originally Posted by eric pisch

All domesticated animals are now protected under the Animal Welfare Act 2006

(1) A person commits an offence if—
(a) an act of his, or a failure of his to act, causes an animal to suffer,
(b) he knew, or ought reasonably to have known, that the act, or failure to
act, would have that effect or be likely to do so,
(c) the animal is a protected animal, and
(d) the suffering is unnecessary.

Note - animals gone wild are exempt!

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/ACTS/acts2006...0060045_en.pdf

but how can you 'define' a cat that is wild?

feral dogs are easy to identify as they are usually in packs (on sink estates or abroad) and look mangy!

[pete1866]

Originally Posted by Chaosx

I don't see why you had to collect the urine in a jar first. You should have gone for a direct hit from source.

Maybe worried the cat might laugh?

[Sporran]

or low pressure

[Setenza]

Or the fact that my neighbour, Mrs Singh , was in her garden at the time

[Chaos]

Originally Posted by Xusia Of Delos

Or the fact that my neighbour, Mrs Sigh , was in her garden at the time

I'm sure she would understand! Cats are very primitive animals. They understand it better coming from the source!

[johntheexpat]

Originally Posted by eric pisch

Note - animals gone wild are exempt!

After wearing a pint pot of XODs musk, I imagine wild doesn't even start to describe Donald Piano. Absolutely livid is probably closer to the mark.



With all due acknowledgements that I am showing my age by mis quoting that brilliant Not The Nine O'Clock news sketch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MpbMm0433I

[Steve.J.Davies]

strong water pistol + Sloanes linament + good coverage of the cat's 'pencil sharpener'. It will dig a furrow with its ass on the its way out of the garden.

[Naaktgeboren]

I have to ask...

Any sightings of Donald Piano since??

[Steve.J.Davies]

No chance of a Donald then ?

[Setenza]

Mr. P has not yet made a return appearence

[Kazuya Mishima]

@ Xusia's opening post in this thread...

[Naaktgeboren]

Donald Piano caught on CCTV