Grandparents rights

[Urien Rheged]

The grandparents of our children have started demanding she see's the grandchildren for at least a week at a time (they live 300 miles away) and more often. They see them regulary, about 5 - 6 weeks a year. Sometimes it is not convenient to allow visits for a week at a time and not on the dates they are requesting. The grandparents have now become very aggressive calling me and my partner names, saying we are 'bad parents' and are calling us 'lazy slobs.'. We have said 'no, we will visit when we say it's convenient, not when you say it's convenient' the grandmother has said "we have rights" and slammed the phone down. This is become more and more of a problem since my daughter was born 3 months ago. The other child is 10 years old. Since December they have visted or been visited for 4 weeks in total. Grandparents don't technically have any rights over their grandchildren in the UK do they? I really have had enough of the verbal abuse and interfering, it's driving us insane and is very upsetting for my partner (their daughter).

Any experiences or advice would be welcome

[Duncan G]

Grandparents have no automatic rights to access to grandchildren in law.

[Jenn]

I'm no expert in this kind of things but 4 weeks in 2-3 months is a lot ! I mean, most children will see their grand parents one day a week (weekends) and many less especially with long distances.

If it went to court for some reason I doubt a judge would allow them to have the children for extended lengths of time like that.

My son will see my parents maybe 3-4 weeks a year as they live abroad.
Maybe the grand parents would be a bit happier if you and they had a webcam for the kids to talk to them when you can't go?

[RottenFox]

thats right,grandparents legally have no rights,its the parents that hold all the rights.
the only thing they can do,is apply under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 for contact.
but if you arent married to your partner,legally you have just as much rights really as the grandparents do when it comes down to the nitty gritty,unless you have a parenting order(for the oldest child,the youngest one,you will have it automatically if you are on the birth certificate*came into effect in 2003)

[Urien Rheged]

Originally Posted by Jenn

I'm no expert in this kind of things but 4 weeks in 2-3 months is a lot ! I mean, most children will see their grand parents one day a week (weekends) and many less especially with long distances.

If it went to court for some reason I doubt a judge would allow them to have the children for extended lengths of time like that.

My son will see my parents maybe 3-4 weeks a year as they live abroad.
Maybe the grand parents would be a bit happier if you and they had a webcam for the kids to talk to them when you can't go?

We have a webcam set up in the front room as my PC is connected to my 42" LCD TV. We let them see the grandchildren regulary on this.

I don't want to use all my annual leave to just sit at my partner's parent's house. I want to spend time with just my family in the family home. This doesn't even enter their heads? They expect us to let them see the grand kids for every spare moment we have. If we try and say no to this, they emotionally balck mail us and threaten us with 'their rights' which I don't believe they have. The problem is, if I put my foot down and say enough is enough, my partner becomes very upset due to the arguments that ensue.

[Paulie-W]

If the Grandparents are that desperate to see your kids, why can`t they come to you and book a hotel? Or maybe they should just move a bit closer. It seems with what you`ve done so far (web cam etc) you`ve done your bit to accommodate them, albeit in a virtual way.




If it were me i`d change phone numbers

[Urien Rheged]

Originally Posted by Paulie-W

If the Grandparents are that desperate to see your kids, why can`t they come to you and book a hotel? Or maybe they should just move a bit closer. It seems with what you`ve done so far (web cam etc) you`ve done your bit to accommodate them, albeit in a virtual way.




If it were me i`d change phone numbers

When they come here, I have to give up my bed for them as the grandfather had a stroke a few years ago. I was sleeping under the computer desk in the office for 17 days over Xmas whilst they stayed! They won't book into a B&B as they say they can't afford it. They think the north of England is "too cold" to live in, so would never move (I don't want them to either).

[sim667]

Are these the in laws im guessing????

Get them a tent in the garden....

[v CJ v]

Originally Posted by R1PLEY

When they come here, I have to give up my bed for them as the grandfather had a stroke a few years ago. I was sleeping under the computer desk in the office for 17 days over Xmas whilst they stayed! They won't book into a B&B as they say they can't afford it. They think the north of England is "too cold" to live in, so would never move (I don't want them to either).

That is ludacrus!!!

This sounds like a joke (i understand it's not), giving up your bed for the od occassion is fine, but not for 17 days (i've done it when my parents have stayed).

I can't beleive your partners parents are so narrow minded.

I was born in Bristol, but from the age of 10 i've lived in London and York with my parents. My Grandparents never demanded to see us, and enjoyed visiting us. I would see my grandparents for aprox 4 weeks of a year.

Now i see my grandparents and my parents aprox 2 weeks of the year as i live in York on my own, and have so for 5 years now. (Since i was 17 and parents moved back to Bristol)

I wouldn't expect my parents to demand to see my children (if / when i have them) and if they did, i'd be polite and blunt!

Sounds to me they are living in the past. People don't live in the next street to their parents anymore. They need to understand their daughter has made a life for herself 'Up North'. If they want to see the children, they need to meet half way.

One idea would be to meet the parents half way down the country, and drop the children off. Then meet a week later, half way, to collect.

Could be a nice break for you and your partner too.

[Paulie-W]

Originally Posted by R1PLEY

When they come here, I have to give up my bed for them as the grandfather had a stroke a few years ago. I was sleeping under the computer desk in the office for 17 days over Xmas whilst they stayed! They won't book into a B&B as they say they can't afford it. They think the north of England is "too cold" to live in, so would never move (I don't want them to either).

Bloody hell. I feel for you mate.

What does your wife/partner think about all this? Without wanting to rock the boat, having to sleep under a friggin` desk is ridiculous. If it came to it, why not get an inflatable bed and tell them to either like it, lump it, or stay put.

[Decadence]

What is your partner's stance on this issue?

[Urien Rheged]

Originally Posted by sim667

Are these the in laws im guessing????

Get them a tent in the garden....

My partner and I are not actually married, but live together.

[Urien Rheged]

Originally Posted by Paulie-W

Bloody hell. I feel for you mate.

What does your wife/partner think about all this? Without wanting to rock the boat, having to sleep under a friggin` desk is ridiculous. If it came to it, why not get an inflatable bed and tell them to either like it, lump it, or stay put.

I've only had to do that once. She came up for 17 days as my partner had just given birth so she was here to 'help' supposedly.

[Razor]

LMAO..... I know how much you love your inlaws Ripley. It must be driving you mad.

As I have said before just put your foot down, they are your kids. Mrs Ripley and you will decide who and where they spend their time. Its nothing to do with the grandparents. Buy them a cat or a dog as they are clearly bored and have empty lives.

[Urien Rheged]

Originally Posted by Decadence

What is your partner's stance on this issue?

She just wants "everyone to be happy" so feels very torn. She tends to ignore their behaviour to keep her parents happy.