getting stressed about house move/relationship

[Marc]

I'm finding myself unable to sleep because i'm really stressed out about moving house on Friday.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years, and been living together for a year and decided to get a bigger place because at the moment all our stuff is just piled in corners of every room

Trouble is, with the move fast approaching i'm beginning to think the house we're moving to isn't what i want, and i don't know what to do about it.

All i wanted was 1) a square/rectangular room i could use for my AV setup, and 2) a house that was within walking distance from the train station. The rest of the house i don't care about, i left those decisions up to her.

The flat we chose seemed to more or less fit the bill, with a nice large rectangular lounge with a bay window in which to sit the TV, and although it is about a mile and a half from the train station (i wanted a mile or less), it's still kind of walkable, although further than i'd like first thing in the morning/after a day at work, but the house is really big for the rent (£645pcm) with 2 bedrooms, a large lounge and a large kitchen so i figured it was a sacrifice i was willing to make.

An attic conversion would make a great bedroom, and the other room, although a bit tatty would be great as a guest room.

However after putting down our deposit, we found out the landlady had accepted someone else's as well, and we had to have an "interview" with her, as did the other couple, so she could choose who to let move in. Obviously we came out on top there, but it left a sour taste in my mouth about the landlady and the house, having to tell her every little detail about our lives and basically kiss her ass for half an hour.

It's also since transpired that there's an elderly lady living in the flat below and her bedroom is right beneath the room i wanted as my 'home cinema' so i can't put it there anymore because of the noise, and instead i've been relegated to the attic conversion with sloping walls from waist height, open plan to the staircase, so nowhere to put my many book(dvd)cases and possibly acoustically crap to boot.

So now i'm 0 for 2 for the things i wanted, and it feels like i've been shanghai'd into this move and i'm feeling tempted to phone up my current agent and ask if i can stay here, although that would likely spell the end for this relationship..

any advice you can offer an insomniac at 1:20 in the morning?

Thanks

Marc

[Indecisive Jay]

To be honest there is nothing worse than doing something that you're not 100% about. It won't be nice regretting your decision, and then being in a situation whereby you feel stuck. But you mention that if you go against the grain it could spell an end to your relationship. How much does the relationship mean to you? Is it worth losing? If you have to even think about the answer to the last question then you know what you should do....

[Marc]

*sigh* that's probably the crux of it, i really don't know what's going on with us anymore, when she's working late shifts i actually feel glad because i get to watch dvd's or play 360 games rather than watching some **** on freeview

at least in the new house i can put my 2nd tv in another room and she can watch freeview on that leaving me free to watch dvd's in the attic.. but what sort of relationship is it if you're always in seperate rooms..

[Indecisive Jay]

Originally Posted by Marc

*sigh* that's probably the crux of it, i really don't know what's going on with us anymore, when she's working late shifts i actually feel glad because i get to watch dvd's or play 360 games rather than watching some **** on freeview

at least in the new house i can put my 2nd tv in another room and she can watch freeview on that leaving me free to watch dvd's in the attic.. but what sort of relationship is it if you're always in seperate rooms..

I know the feeling, I've recently split with my gfriend. At the start it was great, but then my hobbies started causing arguments. You don't mention a similar problem, so she is fine with you doing activites that don't involve her indoors, be it watching dvd's, pc use etc. I know that obviously in any relationship you can't be side by side every spare moment of the day but in my case, any minute I would be in a different room would result in the "that's more important than me" speech. To be honest I would sometimes think about it after and think that maybe I was in the wrong but it is normal to do your own thing.

Has your relationship been like this for a while (meaning the seperate activites), has it gotten more frequent?

Obviously I don't know how your relationship is, but if it was anything like my previous one, you might be better concentrating on yourself. It seems to me like your not at all sure what you want, and the relationship doesn't seem like first priority. (I don't mean anything offensively by the way).

[Indecisive Jay]

A little insight into what I was going thinking at the time

http://www.avforums.com/forums/showp...1&postcount=17

You mention similar symptoms to what I was having and in the end we drifted apart and the relationship ended. It could obviously be totally different for yourself, and I wouldn't wish for anyones relationship to end, but I think you need to think long and hard. Because even though the bulk of your post is about the negatives of the place you are about to move into, I can't help but read into the relationship side and think that maybe you're more unsure about that than anything else.

Ah what do I know..I'm just looking too deep into it probably.....I'll get my coat

[Marc]

no offense taken, i do like my alone time and i don't get much of it in the current place as there's just the lounge and the bedroom. Basically i like playing on my pc or xbox 360 or watching dvd's/hd-dvd's

But unless she's working a late shift, i get home from work later than her, and when i get home the freeview is on, normally with queued up recordings of home and away or the 50 daily incarnations of big brother, and i don't get a look in all night, so i spend every night on the pc all night, the unwatched dvd's mount up, there are still xbox games in their shrink wrap etc

don't get me wrong, we do enjoy each others company, but she won't play xbox games, and she won't watch 90% of the movies i own, so it's freeview every night and i didn't spend thousands on av equipment for that..

i know this probably sounds really selfish but it's how i feel.. maybe having a bigger house will fix the problems which is probably why i've been going along with it, but now having my home cinema room gotten rid of to all intents and purposes has really hit a nerve and is making me question everything.

[Marc]

Originally Posted by New Era

A little insight into what I was going thinking at the time

http://www.avforums.com/forums/showp...1&postcount=17

You mention similar symptoms to what I was having and in the end we drifted apart and the relationship ended. It could obviously be totally different for yourself, and I wouldn't wish for anyones relationship to end, but I think you need to think long and hard. Because even though the bulk of your post is about the negatives of the place you are about to move into, I can't help but read into the relationship side and think that maybe you're more unsure about that than anything else.

Ah what do I know..I'm just looking too deep into it probably.....I'll get my coat

i just read your post and it does ring true a bit. when i'm playing computer games, it's "oh i'm bored, can we watch a movie" and then she says no to every movie i pick and we spend about an hour trying to pick one, then it's gotten late and she ends up putting the freeview on

but if she's watching freeview and i say "lets watch a movie" it's either the scenario above, or "oh i need to watch this recording" or "it's getting too late for a movie"

and the other night i just put on a movie and it was "i didn't say whether i wanted to watch that one" so i said "well i asked and you didn't answer so i put it on, if you don't want to watch it go and do something else" which gave her the hump

i can't win lol

[Indecisive Jay]

What I'm about to say may come across as selfish, and I know that you need to compromise in life. I'm not expecting to meet anyone that will let me do what I want when I want and not say a word. But life is too short and you need to make yourself happy, I must say that it is great not having to worry about whether what I'm doing is selfish or whether she who must be obeyed will have the hump When I want to watch tv, I watch it, when I want to go on the pc I do etc.

I think that you probably need to think about what would make you happy, would the scenario of you living alone and doing as you please without having to worry about your actions annoying someone or having to hold back from doing activites that you want to do etc sound more appealing than the scenario you're in now?

[Indecisive Jay]

Originally Posted by Marc

i can't win lol

Thats true, you never can with women. You basically have to agree with what they want to do in order to keep things sweet. It's always one rule for them and one for you.

A classic women rule is with regards to going out. If you want to go out and they don't want you to, then you are selfish for even considering it.

If you try and tell them to not go out then you are selfish for even considering that

[Marc]

i think i've been pondering that for the last year.. which kinda says it all really i suppose

anyway, thanks for the chat, nice to have someone to vent to.. i'm going to go back to bed and see if i can get a bit of sleep before the alarm goes off at 6

oh and i'm going to delete all the email receipts for this conversation, just in case..

[Indecisive Jay]

Originally Posted by Marc

i think i've been pondering that for the last year.. which kinda says it all really i suppose

anyway, thanks for the chat, nice to have someone to vent to.. i'm going to go back to bed and see if i can get a bit of sleep before the alarm goes off at 6

oh and i'm going to delete all the email receipts for this conversation, just in case..

Yes it's probably wise to do so. If your gf is anything like my ex she'll check due to paranoia.

Take it easy and try not too overthink things and remember to do what makes you happy. Try and talk to your gf if you haven't already and see what she is willing to do. You never know she might agree to change certain things to suit you (compromise is what it's called ) Good luck with your future decisions.

[RMCF]

Have a baby - that will sort the two of you out !!!

only joking by the way

[Mr_Wistles]

Sounds like a marriage (well a relationship) for convenience.

[y2k]

Have you ever been in an old persons house when they are watching tv? I would say you dont have to worry about the old woman complaining about the noise from your tv room because they are probably half deaf already, I know it sounds bad but I live next door to an old woman and she has to have the tv up full blast so she can even hear it so I dont think you will have to much to worry about on that front and you can always get a bike and cycle to the train station.

[dakara]

You appear to have very serious doubts about the continuing viability of your relationship with your girlfriend, and from your opinions expressed here you seem to pay little real attention to what she really wants. It is all "I want".
If the relationship is rocky now, there is little chance of it being improved by a house move.
Are the two having serious discussions, and being REALLY being honest and open with each other?
Until you can do so, there is certainly no point in complicating matters even further, since you will simply be changing the backdrop.