Español Français Deutsch Italiano Nederlands Svenska Dansk Japanese Chinese (Simplified) Russian
 
AVForums.com twitter AVForums is a member of CEDIA. THX certified reviewer.  Click for more information. AVForums reviewers are ISF Certified.  Click for more information.
 
The UK's biggest and best home entertainment electronics forums  
4 million visitors each month


Forums Register Blogs Information Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Go Back   AVForums.com > Lifestyle Topics > General Chat

Notices

Latest AVForums Movie Reviews
Up Blu-ray ReviewLéon Blu-ray ReviewNear Dark Blu-ray ReviewLogan's Run Blu-ray ReviewTaking of Pelham 1 2 3, The Blu-ray Review
Star Trek Blu-ray ReviewUFC 100: Lesnar vs. Mir (2009) Blu-ray ReviewThe New York Ripper Blu-ray ReviewHeat Blu-ray ReviewMoon Blu-ray Review

Similar Threads
thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Funny Girl/Funny Lady Double Pack DVD Review The News Bot AVForums Blu-ray Reviews 0 02-07-2007 10:15 AM
The Letter leej General Chat 2 05-09-2006 12:20 PM

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14-11-2007, 7:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
John 1987's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 670
Thanks: Gave 72, Got 133
Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

Evening all,

Just a funny Link to a news story that one of my friends just sent me. Thought I'd share it.

Edit: Just encase you don't think they actually print the letter (email), just scroll down a bit, it's after the actual story.

Edit: Thought I'd just post the text of the letter in my post

Quote:
1.. THE COMPLAINT

Dear Sir/madam/ automated telephone answering service

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try emailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouija board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.

One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas between the two bins.

If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this. After replying to this email with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three-point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four-month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant, Mr X

2.. THE REPLY

Dear Mr X,

I have read your email and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address/telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards, PC Y Community Beat Officer

3.. THE REACTION

Dear PC Y

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original email. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own communitybeat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself?

Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with achin like a wash hand basin?

It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5. Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these t***s that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.

The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.

Should you wish to discuss these you should feel free to contact me. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.

Regards Mr X

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.
__________________
Home Cinema - Samsung Sp46l6x dlp rear projector, Xbox 360, PS3, Denon AVR-1905 reciever, Wharfedale 7.1 surround sound set up - two diamond 9 7.4 floor standers, a 9 cc centre and four 9.0 for the middle and rear channels and a SW150 for the sub.
Link to my 'Home cinema' thread

Last edited by John 1987; 15-11-2007 at 1:51 PM.
John 1987 is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanks from:
geomuss (15-11-2007), kopchoir (14-11-2007), sim667 (15-11-2007), Singh400 (14-11-2007), Sonic67 (14-11-2007)
Old 14-11-2007, 7:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: London
Posts: 6,134
Thanks: Gave 39, Got 198
Blog Entries: 5
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

In the past two years I sent an email to two local police stations in my area about gangs of youths out at around 6PM onwards causing trouble mainly muggings, sent an email last year and the year before so 4 emails in total and not one reply... shocking isn't it, what do they expect me to do, go up to the local station and hand a letter in?..

I feel for that guy...
meansizzler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-11-2007, 9:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
Conspicuous Member
 
Singh400's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Earth
Posts: 8,362
Thanks: Gave 507, Got 1,150
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

HAHA!! That was great. Didn't even know you could email the police.
__________________
[CPU: Q9450 @ 3.6Ghz|RAM: Corsair PC2-8500 (2x2GB)]
[MOBO: Asus P5Q Deluxe (1406)|HDD#1: Samsung F1 750GB]
[HDD#2: OCZ SSD V1 32GB|GFX: BFG 9800GTX+ OC|PSU: Corsair HX 620W]
Singh400 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-11-2007, 10:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,221
Thanks: Gave 120, Got 110
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singh400 View Post
HAHA!! That was great. Didn't even know you could email the police.
You can't - they take even less notice of them than thay do phone calls
Accylad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-11-2007, 10:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
Prominent Member
 
overkill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Murkeyside
Posts: 4,432
Thanks: Gave 228, Got 548
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

Quote:
Originally Posted by Accylad View Post
You can't - they take even less notice of them than thay do phone calls
Ring them and tell them a new donut store has opened and a special offer is on for the first night, preferably in the exact same place any toe-rags are running riot. That way about ten squad cars will arrive in minutes..........
__________________
"Someone recently said to me, there's a lot of nutters out there" "Then i saw the ABD website and realised they were right!!!"

"Yes, he's back, i've no idea why, and nobody cares anyway........."
overkill is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanks from:
nikonkid (15-11-2007)
Old 15-11-2007, 8:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 718
Thanks: Gave 196, Got 44
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

Overkill you just dont know how true that post is
__________________
Room 1 Pioneer 5080XD - Oppo 981 DVD, Toshiba EP30 HD DVD, Sky HD, Sanus Java stand. Quad Lite 5.1 system - Harmony One remote, Harman Kardon 255 amp Sony S350 BD player
Room 2 Naim CD5 - Naim Nait amp - Naim - Flatcap 2 Pwr supply - Naim Headline. Rega Planar 3 T/T - Rega ELA speakers
nikonkid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-11-2007, 5:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
geomuss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: musselburgh
Posts: 846
Thanks: Gave 179, Got 180
Blog Entries: 1
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

I have urinated all over myself with laughter.
geomuss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-11-2007, 5:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Manchester
Posts: 2,921
Thanks: Gave 196, Got 256
Re: Funny Sarcastic letter sent to the police

I understand the writer completely... I actually had my garden area broken into, things stolen, AND I had CCTV of the scummages who did the crime. Police never even bothered to turn up and collect the video!
__________________
I HAVE NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY!!!
Bilbob is offline   Reply With Quote



Bookmarks

Tags
funny, letter, police, sarcastic
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:09 AM.

AV Forums
Optimised for Firefox.
RSS Feed
AVForums.com is owned and operated by M2N Limited.
Copyright © 2000-2009 M2N E. & O. E.
Global Gold
Web Hosting