[la gran siete]

has a brain tumour and this sister is someone you never realy got on with because you and her are so different ,what do you do?I mean you really have wound each other a lot in the past without really ever being honest about it. I mean you dont really like each other but now you feel a sense of guilt and a sense of loyalty and a desire to put every thing behind even though it could ultimately prove futile.All my family have been through the cancer tredmill bar me and all bar my dad have so far survived but this is about something else. Its about building bridges which have so far proved very shaky even non existent.
first I shall email her son
thank you

[The Dude]

It sounds like you already know what to do mate, a good opportunity to at least try put things right I'd say?

She'll have been doing a lot of soul-searching herself, I'd reckon. Get that Olive branch out there....

[pave]

Sorry to hear about your sister,hope you can cross that bridge,i have had a similar situation in the past,and i crossed that bridge,i wish you all the best lgs ,and hope it all works out well for you and your sister,i would like to say more,but i'm off to bed..tired,might start rambling....Good luck......

[la gran siete]

I have to admit i have consumed a few glasses of vino tonight

[Orson]

To me it's all about perspective. We can go through life being cruel/angry or just plain dislike towards family members, there can be lots of baggage from years and years of not getting on. But then something like this happens, and it makes you realise that things don't get more more important than life itself. What's happened is past, this is now, and this has to be more important. It's not even a question of pride or anything like that, it's just a realisation of how imortant some things really are.
Send the email, pick up the phone, or just pop round for a coffe (or a vino!) & just be there.

LGS - I think that a hand written letter would be a great start. Then leave a few days and call her. Family is family and she will need hers more than ever now.

[la gran siete]

Originally Posted by Orson

To me it's all about perspective. We can go through life being cruel/angry or just plain dislike towards family members, there can be lots of baggage from years and years of not getting on. But then something like this happens, and it makes you realise that things don't get more more important than life itself. What's happened is past, this is now, and this has to be more important. It's not even a question of pride or anything like that, it's just a realisation of how imortant some things really are.
Send the email, pick up the phone, or just pop round for a coffe (or a vino!) & just be there.

Kind of a long way to Alicante but so far her son is going as is my other sister and now my wife and her mother shall be going( I shall have to stay behind to feed the animals) and then ,maybe, I'll go another time. I know my sis would appreciate seeing them ,especially the M.I.L, because she always got on better with them.In the meantime a letter would be a great idea,
As for being open and honest with her , thats a tough nut to crack . SAhe had awful mental problems in the past and I tried to help her then but only succeeded in antagonizing her. i think I'll have to be diplomatic for now.
Thanks

[Johnny Thunder]

Good luck LGS.
Building bridges within the family is a lot harder to do, than after falling out with
friends.
She may push you away at first, but if you persevere, she will realise your sincerity.
Hope it all works out for you mate.

[Ian J]

Originally Posted by la gran siete

As for being open and honest with her , thats a tough nut to crack

It be unnecessary to rake over the past at all as treating it as water under the bridge may suit her as well as you.

You must always look at the worst case scenario and you may regret it in the future if you don't make the effort now.

[hottstuff]

I understand your problems LGS , as i have the same problem.

I'm not sure how i would react in the same situation , as i could be completely numb when it comes to mine.

All i can say is , if you feel that your past problems can be sorted , then you should do your best to make things ok.

i also understand , as i lost my father to leukemia.
My thoughts are with you & your family.

[Garrett]

Id try and make up with here if anything does happen to her you just may well regret it the rest of your life.

If you do try to patch things over it can real only go two ways, you become united and won’t regret trying. Or she rebuffs your olive branch and you will have had the satisfaction of at least trying.

[Jenn]

Originally Posted by la gran siete

desire to put every thing behind even though it could ultimately prove futile

I'm not sure if you mean it would be futile if she gets better or if she doesn't but in any case I don't think it would be futile to make things better between you and her.
If she makes it ok, obviously you're looking at a better future as brother and sister. If sadly she doesn't then hopefully she'll have gone with some peace of mind that you and her reconciliated.

[la gran siete]

My OP was written late last night after i consumed rather alot of alcohol and was in a maudlin state. Now in the cold light of day I see things better.My belief is that some kind of bridge building is important as she need as much support as she can get.
Tbh there was never any REAL bad blood between us, we never had raging rows or anything and most of our anger was bottled up I guess.I didnt want to express for fear of sending her over the edge There just is this profound lack of communication based on the notion that we have very little in common and an inabilty on my part to tolerate or understand her mental state - I cant be in the same room as her for more than an hour or so and this makes me feel guilty. She suffered acute depression for many years, had two nervous breakdowns and was ultimately diagnosed with some kind of mental illness for which she periodically has stablelisng injections. Past bad experiences continually haunted her and she would go over them time and time again - it was like taperecorder. I tried to help but I think she resented my comments so I ended up virtually cutting ties. My Mother in law and wife are much better with her so I'm hopefull that they will visit her.For the life of me I dont know why I cannot get along with her , my other two sisters I'm fine with and I am fine with my nephew too.

Anyway i wanted to say many thanks for your support

[la gran siete]

Its sorted I am flying out to see my sister as soon as sghe has recovered from her op I only hope she recovers well. Apparently she feels overwhelmed by the amount of suppost she has had

[Johnny Thunder]

First steps mate. Well done.
Best wishes to all your family.

[CFC1]

Yes, good luck matey!

[pave]

Great news,Best wishes to you all....

[Orson]

Echoing the above replies, well done, a big step, but the first one always is.

Best wishes to you & your sister

[The Dude]

How easy was that!


All the best LGS, here's hoping everything goes well for you both.

I'm so glad you're visiting your sister; otherwise it could haunt you for the rest of your life that you never became friends.

It will mean so much to her that you've made that effort, you too will be happier knowing you're reconciled. Let old hurts stay in the past. It sounds like you've had a lot of heartache already in your family with all that illness, not an easy thing to deal with.

Hoping for a good trip for you and a successful operation for her.

[la gran siete]

thank you all I very much appreciate your support. I dont think my sis and I will ever totally see eye to eye because in families they are always issues but as they say blood runs thicker than water and at the end of the day( another cliche) I do love her. Her appreciation of my concern for her ( and those of others as well) really touched me