Opening joke for Best Man Speech

[russ123]

I'm best man for my mate's wedding this weekend. I've written a speech but I'm not too happy with the opening joke. Since this sets the tone for the whole speech I've been scouring the web for alternatives but without success. Anyone care to suggest me any punch one-liners???

[ush flynn]

on the radio Vernon kay described his pals best man speech at someone elses wedding. It goes along the lines of this
" Ive been warned not to go into detail about *insert grooms name*' s past record. But what a coincidence 146 is his lucky number!!"

Edit: wrote peter instead of vernon


But to explain if it needs explaining. Best men usually make crack at the grooms ex's in the build up to saying how special the bride is. well the coincidence thing is about the bride being his 146th lover/gf and he just made up that its also his lucky number!

I cant believe im explaining... its really ruined it for me now!

[shahedz]

Originally Posted by ush flynn

on the radio peter kay described his pals best man speech at someone elses wedding. It goes along the lines of this
" Ive been warned not to go into detail about *insert grooms name*' s past record. But what a coincidence 146 is his lucky number!!"

i don't get it

[spocktra]

How about standing up and saying,"this is the fith time today i have been standing up with a warm piece of paper in my hand".

[buzlightyear]

I used,
Ive been asked to prepare a few lines (sniff and hold your nose) and now ive snorted them i feel great.

[ush flynn]

warm piece of paper full of s*** is also funny depending on what the guests are like

[t1m103]

how about" ive enjoyed myself so much i hope i get invited too his next one!."

[Uridium]

I found most of my recent best man's speech on this website!

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/ex...all.asp?type=1

[Bristol Pete]

Usual stuff,

mention that the honeymoon flight was nice and cheap but the first ten miles are going to be spent crop spraying!

Say that the newly weds have a waterbed but you are concerned that they may drift apart!

say that the groom confided in you, stating that the mother in law doesnt like him and the fact he had spaghetti letters on toast spelling **** off on toast the first time he went round for dinner was a give away.

[ush flynn]

How about something like " The groom wanted my speech to be just perfect, to capture you all, make you laugh, make you cry and make you feel joyous. I was mostly ****** this week so he wrote one for me... and it goes a little summin like this..."

[JohnG]

What about-
What a happy duty it is to welcome the new baby into this World ..... oh hang on, no, that's the Christening speech for next month

[Ultima]

"Weddings are very very emotional, even the cake is in tears (tiers)."

That is assuming that the cake does have tiers of course.

Martin

[mjcairney]

Not an opening line, but I'm sure you can drop in somewhere that an anagram of "Mother-in-Law" is "Woman Hitler".

Then - DUCK!!

Cheers,

Martin.

[muzzi]

I used the following...

Firstly, i would like to say that (insert grooms name), i'm sure every body here today believes, that you are a very very, very lucky young man, you have taken (insert brides name) hand in marriage. We all know that (insert brides name) is smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and by all accounts she deserves a good husband, so thank god you married her before she found one.

One person laughed!

[ush flynn]

classic
" take my mother in law..... please"