[hot-fuzz]

i have just found out that the missus is 5 weeks pregnant and to be honest im crapping myself.
This is my situation :

Im 29, 30 in December. The missus is 28, 29 in September.
We have been married 4 months !!!
We met each other just over 2 years ago.

Im am really excited about being a dad, but a few things are worrying me, and being only 5 weeks gone i cant tell any of my close mates just yet, in case we lose it. I am planning on telling the folks in a few days.

Basically i dont know if we can afford it. I know its a crap way of thinking, but read on and you may see why.

I work in a very secure job and after tax, alot of extras and a HUGE pension take £1500 home every 4 weeks (13 pay packets a year).
The missus is a Dr of Science, but gave that up and has just completed her first year of training to be a teacher on £12,000 a year.
She has just got a new job, due to start in September, which takes her pay up too £21,000 a year !! BUT, she cant take the job on due to being pregnant.
I am in the middle of a transfer to a different County so we can move near her parents/sisters, which was part of our original plan.
The missus will have to give up her job as in Sep she will be 4 - 5 months pregnant and get a job in the summer doing something. We have worked out that she will be out of work for 6 months minimum

We have now decided to move in with her sister who has an 8 month old herself, just until we can save enough money to buy a house in our new location.

We have about £700 a month debts due to uni, marriage, car loans, and so most of my money will go on that.

Am i stupid to worry about money, or shall i just be thinking that i am never really going to be able to afford a child, unless im rich, and just to get excited about it.

Thanks for reading.

[Miyazaki]

Get all the kip in now while you can! You won't have any for the next 18 years!

Seriously though, congratulations!

[QUOTE=Highlander1]i have just found out that the missus is 5 weeks pregnant and to be honest im crapping myself.
.

congratulations Mr Highlander (on the first bit)

the second bit mmm could i recomend ... a butt plug

[Johnny Thunder]

Congratulations mate.
Apart from cot, pram etc, kids are cheap at first. Wait til they grow up
and start asking for ipods, mobile phones, shotguns etc..........

[davisneil]

I have a 9 month old daughter and a wife and a flat near london to pay for along with food, council tax, utilities etc and we do it on my wage alone, which is 1600 a month after tax. My wife is a full time mum, and we still have spare money to save.

What i suggest financially is the following:

Make sure you are on the right tax code and claim any rebates due.

Do your homework and make sure you know what benefits you are entitled to, at the very least you should get Child Tax Credits and Child Benefit.

Go to www.uswitch.com and check out if you are paying the best deal on your utilities, phone, etc

Go to www.moneysavingexpert.com and check out other ways to minimise your spending (eg...instead of trips to cinema and buying dvds, we now 'sacrifice' this but subscribe to screenselect for our films, and there are loads of ways to save)

Buy in bulk (maybe from cash and carry) nappies! I bought for £18.00, 4 months worth of huggies!!! You may need to become a member, and some cash and carries require that you work for government, armed forces, etc to have an account, but check them out anyway. If any of you live near watford, and want to buy some stuff on my membership (costco have these rules) just pm me.

Buy clothes from ebay!!! Baby will outgrow them before you have time to fart, so theres no point buying lovely expensive pumpkin patch clothes for 5 minutes worth of wear. Same applies to things like toys, towels, and stuff. Exceptions are hygeinic stuff like cot, mattress (ALWAYS buy this new!) pacifiers, bottles, etc.

700.00 a month on debt is quite high! Is any of that minimum payments on cards?If your debts are out of control, contact your creditors and arrange repayment plans, or consult www.cccs.org.uk or CAB/payplan for help. If you think you may be close to your overdraft limit, open a basic account somewhere to avoid charges if something bounces...

Hope these tips are useful...its how we managed! Now were just saving for a house which is gonna be ages, but my baby's worth it!

[hot-fuzz]

i reckon we are going to be alright in a few years ..... you seen how much teachers can make? Her current Dept head of a medium performing county school earns £60K !!!!

As for cots and prams etc, her sisters have an 8 month old and a 6 month old, so clothes, cot, pram etc will be fine as we are gonna have a shed load of hand-me-downs (as long as it a boy)

I also work shifts, so working on nights is going to be hard when i cant sleep in the day, but at least i wont get woken up in the night when i am working !.

Childcare should be sorted aswell, as her parents are retiring soon and her sisters arent going back to work full-time, so we have free babysitters on tap, for when the missus goes back to work.

Im already looking into cool prams, dont like the 3-wheeled ones, plus you get less pram, but pay more !!!!

Originally Posted by davisneil

Make sure you are on the right tax code and claim any rebates due.

Do your homework and make sure you know what benefits you are entitled to, at the very least you should get Child Tax Credits and Child Benefit.

ta for the advice, will look into that.

Originally Posted by davisneil

Go to www.uswitch.com and check out if you are paying the best deal on your utilities, phone, etc

Go to www.moneysavingexpert.com and check out other ways to minimise your spending (eg...instead of trips to cinema and buying dvds, we now 'sacrifice' this but subscribe to screenselect for our films, and there are loads of ways to save)

I already use them ,and they are crakcing, really good stuff on them.

And as for Costco, we are always there for stuff we need now. I go to the Birmingham one, CHEERS for the offer of the card.

Originally Posted by davisneil

700.00 a month on debt is quite high!

Thats what 7 years getting a Doctorate in Medical Sciences (PHD), 4 years in getting a Software Engineering Degree, a nice car and a fantastic wedding gets you !!!
4 years, and it will all be gone.
maybe spreading them over a longer period would be an idea. Hmmm

[sdb123]

Congratulations.....

I'm 29 years old too but have a 4 year old daughter (5 in a couple of weeks time). I was in your position when I was 25....

To be honest, as long as you're sensible with the money side of things - you're worrying about nothing. Also, if we were all to wait until we could afford to have kids, it could be a long wait!

ATB,

Steve

[IronGiant]

Congratulations!!!!

You will survive the lack of money somehow, whatever lies ahead you will be a family so enjoy it, above all don't worry about it.

Dave

[davisneil]

well if its a girl i might be able to sell you some clothes!!!

[Steven]

If you apply for Child Tax Credits, don't take no bull from HM Customs + Excise

It's only if your children are -16, but allowed up to 19 in in full time education...cue my parents arguing with them as they reckon they've overpaid and are chasing payment (couple of thou). Then my mum hits them with the fact I wasn't included in the payments in the first place, just my brothers (they reckon I'm not in full time education ). Not to mention the figures they're giving are v.suspicious

[hot-fuzz]

Originally Posted by sdb123

To be honest, as long as you're sensible with the money side of things - you're worrying about nothing. Also, if we were all to wait until we could afford to have kids, it could be a long wait!

That is the best thing i think anyone could have said.
Always thought it, but needed to hear it from somewhere else.




Being only 5 weeks gone, im think my excitement is going to crescendo over time, and come December i think we will have a definate idea of where we are going to be in the coming years.

Originally Posted by LFC_SL

If you apply for Child Tax Credits, don't take no bull from HM Customs + Excise

Ta matey.
I have heard of that, im sure there are a few benefits we can claim when starting off, but they rapidly disapear when you both start to work.

Congratulations.
like others have said, just keep an eye on the pennies.
Think of it another way you will be 48 + where hopefully they may consider uni/leaving home so realisticaly say 55 min before they do actually leave home.
Kids are GREAT, can be great moneyspinners but enjoy them while you can.

Bear in mind this comes from a grandad with 5 grandchildren aged 10 and under. PS i'm only 52.

[GBDG1]

Congratulations,

don't worry, if it all gets too much you can always put the kids in care and run away to Brazil... Your parents managed to raise you fine, and i am sure they had to do it on 5p a week before tax as mine say they did.

[gillette 73]

hey mate, fantastic news just think about all those poor peole that cant have children. When you plan to have a child it never happens..when you dont hey presto..if it is not one money problem now ..then it will be something different then.I am sure you will get lots of family support and help with the essentials, you will get child benefit...i am by no means rich and i have three little blighters..people pass down unused or unwanted things and as kids grow so quick some stuff is brand new...toys clothes buggies etc are easier to come by than you think. You will never experience the emotion that comes from watching your child enter the world in any other situation you may be in ..it is amazing...so enjoy every second...the first kick from the tummy.. the birth (forgive her if she squeezes your hand and calls you names) and their first word "dada"..their first smile at you.and the list goes on..you really are a lucky man and whats more your with the woman you love in a stable relationship...nuff said

good luck

[johnscarlet]

Originally Posted by lisa burrell

the second bit mmm could i recomend ... a butt plug

Immodium would probably be the safer , less embarassing solution . Lisa obviously has other ideas .

I wouldn't worry too much about the money , you will need to tighten the belts a bit , but its not too hard . I had the same thoughts with the first , then the second and when SWMBO said she wanted to go part time I had a heart attack . But we coped and now were back to spending just like we did pre-kids

Good luck , its well worth it

John

[hot-fuzz]

Did i mention that gettng pregnant ISNT a mistake, more of not planned.

We were using contraception (the rubber variety) and we must be the 1 in the 100 that get pregnant even though contraception is used.
Still, wouldnt change it.

[Mrs AutomanUK]

Highlander.. and Mrs Highlander ( your bonny wee Heather I assume) congratulations....

Now.. Mr... listen to me, cos this is important ! I know that you have financial worries... that is quite right because at the end of the day you want to provide for your wife and child. However, if you express any of this to your wife, this is how she is going to feel.... ( take this as a woman's point of view)

She is going through a massive changes both physically and emotionally, let alone hormonally, at the moment, and therefore vulnerable to any question that this child should even exist. To her this is the most precious, special thing that has ever happened to her. She will be worrying about lifting anything, she will be worrying about taking folic acid (which she should be!), worrying about what she eats, what she drinks, and the fact that IF anything happens to this baby then it will feel like her fault. She has all the same financial worries as you do, trust me, but right here and right now, they are on the back burner because in the greater scheme of things, they are not as important as getting this little life through the first fragile stages of growth and implantation. I know you are worried, and that is only right because Kids are hungry growing little aliens who need fed and clothed all the time and when shoes are £30 a pop that is reason enough to get chest pain, however they are so worth it. They are absolutly incredibel. They change every single day and grow just a little bit more each day and you turn around and suddenly they are all grown up. Don't miss a single moment Highlander. even while this baby is just a fragile little life within her, let your wife know that you are totally in love with her and totally in love with the child within her. That is the single most important thing in her world right now, not your financial worries. To sow the seed that this baby cannot be afforded plants the seed of doubt in her mind about how you feel about this baby. She will let this fester and that is a bad way to be.

When we had our first child, we survived on my husbands income which was significantly less than yours, and we managed. The tax credit system stinks but at the end of the day it helps too. Does she really not have to take this job ? Why can't she. She has worked for it. Unless it is her choice not to work, then I can't see why she can't still fulfill this dream. If her wage is more than yours, then why can't she go to work and you become a stay at home dad ? There is no reason why she can't accept the job based on her pregnancy. That is unfair, and they are not allowed to discriminate.

For now though.. please live every moment of the pregnancy with her. She needs you to because she is as scared as you are.

Good luck to both of you. xx

[NWhiteley]

Congratulations Highlander

[IronGiant]

Mrs AutomanUK,
that post nearly made me cry, it was so spot on.
And this is from someone with a Y chromosome...

Dave

[hot-fuzz]

Originally Posted by Mrs AutomanUK

Highlander.. and Mrs Highlander ( your bonny wee Heather I assume) congratulations....

Ta for all of that.
And yo uare right. She is scared of doing anything.
We went to MI:3 last night (great film) and all the way through she needed the toilet and didnt enjoy the film because she is so scared that she might be losing it.
Im trying my best to help her, but i guess i have to just reassure her and let her "get used" to being pregnant.

She is taking Folic Acid at the moment alnog with some vitamins. It helps that her sisters have just had boys as they can tell her what they did, as they are very close (hence why we are moving down there).

I think one of the problems i dont think im going to stop her doing, is wanting to buy everything from "Mammas and Pappas" ..... have you seen how expensive that shop is !!!!!!! £400 for a cot, which is essentially 5 bits of wood.

By the way, im not Scottish, its just i use Highlander in most things due to having the nickname at school when the film was about. Great Missenden, Bucks born and raised.

[Mrs AutomanUK]

Hi again Highlander.. I should explain the other little thing about being pregnant... when you have this tiny being inside you also have an overwhelming urge to provide the very best for him or her right from the start. It's a slippery slope to be honest though, because if you set the president as Mammas and Pappas then you will be broke before you know it. At the end of the day ( and you need to help her get this too... ) this baby will be provided for with love and cuddles and sensible purchases on things that he or she needs. The little one has no idea that the cot came from Mamma's and Pappa's... nor cares.. they just want somewhere cosey to sleep and a mummy and a daddy who will pick them up and cuddle them when they cry. It's very early days so I would not go buying anything yet ( not because the baby might not make it.. but because it's just going to sit there and collect dust !) Look on ebay and in the local freeads paper for bargains. We got our pram from a german company on ebay, we got our steriliser from the freeads, we got the cot from freeads too and it was all great. This stuff only gets a few months use so why spend that much on something that can be bought as good as new. The emphasis is on the baby who really could not care less where the stuff comes from! (one exception is the cot matress which needs to be new)

I dearly wanted a fully decorated nursery and everything to be there and ready for our first baby, ( I lost 7 babies before finally having 3 healthy ones so I can understand her insecurities at the moment) but I moved house twice during the pregnancy and the second time we moved into a newly built house when I was 35 weeks so I really could not go buying too much because it would all have to be moved with us ( and there was already enough !!) and the nursery could not get done right then because there was a whole house that needed to be painted ! With the new house needing every spare penny too, we had to budget on the baby stuff too. They are simple little creatures who need a cot ( or a crib for the first 5 months or so), a steriliser (for the first 6 months), a few blankets, vests, baby grows, bibs and a pram. Depending on your car, I would recommend the Graco travel system pram set up because they have the car seat (for up to about 7 months) that fits on top of the pram and makes moving babs about really easy. They also fit into a base that fits in the car and there is no messing about with seatbelts and incorrect fitting that way.

None of this stuff needs to be bought right now though !! It's too early to start.. but if you want to melt her heart for less than a fiver.. sneek out to Mothercare and buy the baby a tiny pair of neutrally coloured booties and give them to her as a little surprise. Then smile and say it's all going to be ok, give her a hug and in one swoop you will have 10 zillion brownie points!

We have 3 kids now, the oldest is 7 and the youngest is 10 months. They are the absolute best thing ever. cherish every moment

[gillette 73]

Originally Posted by Mrs AutomanUK

Highlander.. and Mrs Highlander ( your bonny wee Heather I assume) congratulations....

Now.. Mr... listen to me, cos this is important ! I know that you have financial worries... that is quite right because at the end of the day you want to provide for your wife and child. However, if you express any of this to your wife, this is how she is going to feel.... ( take this as a woman's point of view)

She is going through a massive changes both physically and emotionally, let alone hormonally, at the moment, and therefore vulnerable to any question that this child should even exist. To her this is the most precious, special thing that has ever happened to her. She will be worrying about lifting anything, she will be worrying about taking folic acid (which she should be!), worrying about what she eats, what she drinks, and the fact that IF anything happens to this baby then it will feel like her fault. She has all the same financial worries as you do, trust me, but right here and right now, they are on the back burner because in the greater scheme of things, they are not as important as getting this little life through the first fragile stages of growth and implantation. I know you are worried, and that is only right because Kids are hungry growing little aliens who need fed and clothed all the time and when shoes are £30 a pop that is reason enough to get chest pain, however they are so worth it. They are absolutly incredibel. They change every single day and grow just a little bit more each day and you turn around and suddenly they are all grown up. Don't miss a single moment Highlander. even while this baby is just a fragile little life within her, let your wife know that you are totally in love with her and totally in love with the child within her. That is the single most important thing in her world right now, not your financial worries. To sow the seed that this baby cannot be afforded plants the seed of doubt in her mind about how you feel about this baby. She will let this fester and that is a bad way to be.

When we had our first child, we survived on my husbands income which was significantly less than yours, and we managed. The tax credit system stinks but at the end of the day it helps too. Does she really not have to take this job ? Why can't she. She has worked for it. Unless it is her choice not to work, then I can't see why she can't still fulfill this dream. If her wage is more than yours, then why can't she go to work and you become a stay at home dad ? There is no reason why she can't accept the job based on her pregnancy. That is unfair, and they are not allowed to discriminate.

For now though.. please live every moment of the pregnancy with her. She needs you to because she is as scared as you are.

Good luck to both of you. xx

one sensible woman could not have put it better myself.

[Alan_W]

Congrats Highlander

Forget the logical reasons for NOT having a child, if everyone followed these the world would be a very lonely place. You can always produce lists of financial, social and practical reasons for not having kids.

Fact is that the real reasons FOR having them are not logical. They cost alot, they are tiring, emotionally draining, and usually just a general pain in the bottbott.

But are they worth it? YES. Don't ask why, they just are. The way they walk, talk, develop, learn, cuddle, fall, cry, smile, run, laugh, sleep, play and call you daddy, seems to defy logic.

BTW. Being a parent is also the hardest job ever. Good luck.

[lostinspace]

Congratulations Highlander.
Just hope it's not an Egyptian working in Spain with a Scottish accent,though.
From the posts you've made I reckon you'll be OK.You seem pretty level headed to me.
Just remember,a good parent gives a child everything they need...and a few of the things they want!

[Leej]

Congratulations.

Having children is better than having all the money in the world.They will provide you with more fun than any ammount of money could. You will quickly adapt to your financial situation. We have 3 children and we get by on a pittence and are all very happy.

good luck and enjoy.

[Woodywizz]

Well done to you both.

I was in a similar situation 4 years ago, when I was 29 and my now wife was 25. She became pregnant, we were living in rented accomodation, and we had both started new jobs at a sales company where you didn't know if you were going to be sacked from one minute to the next. Anyway, my Mrs was sacked the day after she told them that she was pregnant. I too had the same money worries.

Fastforward to today. The pregnancy news of 4 years previously kickstarted me into changing jobs to a bluechip company, where I still am and am doing very well; and into buying our first home. My Mrs is still a fulltime mum. We coped more than adequately and we have had 4 wonderful years with our daughter. When your little girl (or boy) cuddles up to you and says that they love you - this makes your heart melt and blows away any worries.

Enjoy the coming years.

Matt

[Steve.EX]

Originally Posted by Mrs AutomanUK

They are the absolute best thing ever. cherish every moment

This is the truth. It is lifes greatest reward.

[Ultraviolet]

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S

It's easy to dismiss the financial / practical considerations - however, all I can say is it will be worth it!

If it's a boy, let me know... I have loads of OshKosh! baby clothing that my sons have now outgrown, so I can probably send some bits and bobs up to sunny Scotland. It will also give me an excuse to tidy up the house!

best wishes,

UV

[fredrikpj]

Oh man.. I'm jealous, we've been trying for over two years now, no luck

[colinwheeler]

Congrats Mr and Mrs Highlander and don't worry about the financial side of things, just enjoy the experience. A little common sense with your money will carry you through!