What would you do?

klr10 · 19-02-2006, 11:47 PM

OK, a difficult one here. You're in bed, 11.45pm the moby rings. A very close mate calls (30 years close) and asks to borrow £2,500. Said friend has always lived 'on the edge'. Told him it would clear me out (new kitchen being built) couldn't do it. Laying there thinking and wondering if they are alright. One hour later call them back and ask if it's 'life or death'. Answer a very scared sounding 'yes'.

OK - tell me what you would do?

Pollywoggle · 20-02-2006, 12:16 AM

Has this really happened?

Pollywoggle · 20-02-2006, 12:17 AM

I think I would need a lot more info, what edge has he been living on?

Jim_Fear · 20-02-2006, 12:20 AM

Oh man, I would honestly to god be scared witless (and the other "less" which rhymes with witless) should something like that happen to me. I'd probably give it to them under the condition that they tell me that the heck is going on, but that would assume I have ungodly trust in them, if its serious, and I really mean serious, then £2500 to save the life of a friend would mean nothing to me, I would just expect such a favour to be returned if I ever had to call on them.

gringottsdirect · 20-02-2006, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klr10

A very close mate calls (30 years close)....
OK - tell me what you would do?

No brainer really, if it is a real friend then forget the kitchen, if you can comfortably lend the money then do so.
You can do the kitchen another time.
If not such a real friend - MFI are having a really good sale on kitchens at the moment.

krish · 20-02-2006, 12:50 AM

I would regard such a close friend of 30 years as family, and trust that I'm not being played, so yeah I would try my best to help him out. I'd hope that he'd be very open and tell me the whole story, so we could make sure that the mess can be totally sorted out.

klr10 · 20-02-2006, 1:13 AM

Yep, I paid the money. I don't know the whole story. Apparently his latest girlfriend (his 'baby mother') has a relative who decided to leave some stolen goods at her flat. My mate decided to remove them to the rubbish shute and they got stolen.

I am as dubious as anyone would be but I couldn't live with a new kitchen and no more mate....

Am I a mug?

I'm not rich btw...

Jim_Fear · 20-02-2006, 1:45 AM

Did he consider going to the police?

Battlestar · 20-02-2006, 6:21 AM

I could never afford to lend that sort of money.

In fact, my frineds are richer than me

pringtef · 20-02-2006, 7:06 AM

If he's involved with the likes of who you say then i'd tell him to get the hell out of the relationship, sounds like the type of one that he's just going to get drawn more and more into. How do you know for sure this kit wasnt the proceeds from bartering drugs, for example?

Also bear in mind if anything legal happens you could now be viewed as an accomplice.....

MartinImber · 20-02-2006, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klr10

Yep, I paid the money. I don't know the whole story. Apparently his latest girlfriend (his 'baby mother') has a relative who decided to leave some stolen goods at her flat. My mate decided to remove them to the rubbish shute and they got stolen.

.

Can't see why he needs the money?

DJT75 · 20-02-2006, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinImber

Can't see why he needs the money?

I assume to pay off the bad guys for the loot he lost.

I wouldn't have given him a penny, 30 years or not, just got himself involved in a right racquet for no reason.

JagoPlasma · 20-02-2006, 11:45 AM

ok.... that sounds like a very odd story to me.

the goods were stolen so he chucked them in the rubbish and they were stolen again? (not by binmen??)

seems very sus to me, i wouldnt even lend £2,500 to my brother for that kind of thing as im not quite sure why he needs the money? and its more than 2 months wages to me!

why exactly did he need the money again?

if they were stolen goods he should of rang the police end of. if it would of put him in trouble doing that then he's in deep **** anyway. be a better friend and tell him to get out of the situation he is in. bailing someone out they will never learn from their mistakes.

any indication of if/when you will get this money back?

a new kitchen is worth alot more to me than a friend asking for that kind of money

Jenn · 20-02-2006, 11:52 AM

Trouble with that kind of situation is that often the life long friend never repays the money and you end up losing a friend anyway and losing your money too.

I'd say it's ok lending a few hundred pounds to close friends/family but as soon as it starts getting into multiples of a wage it's getting dangerous.

Especially if illegal activities are involved.

20-02-2006, 12:42 PM

I've had my own FATHER try to scam me for £4000 before now! Long story, but the guy's got a gambling habit, so needless to say he didn't get a penny.

Very suss story this, though. I'm afraid I wouldn't lend that kind of money without knowing more. Once lent my mate of 22 years £1300, but got every penny back in six months.

7up4it · 20-02-2006, 1:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenn

Trouble with that kind of situation is that often the life long friend never repays the money and you end up losing a friend anyway and losing your money too.

I'd say it's ok lending a few hundred pounds to close friends/family but as soon as it starts getting into multiples of a wage it's getting dangerous.

Especially if illegal activities are involved.

The above is spot on in my opinion, don't envy you having to make that kind of decision.

klr10 · 20-02-2006, 1:34 PM

Many thanks to everyone who's replied to this thread. It has at least made me feel a little better to share it with some fellow impartial folk.

All I can say is that having known him for all that time I know he wouldn't ask for it unless he needed it very badly. I've never seen him in tears and in such a state than when I brought it to him.

I can't bring myself to believe his story and I don't expect I'll get the money back. I do know something bad had happened, I agree it could be all sorts of things but then I guess if your life is in danger you will talk quite quickly and say whatever you think will work.

As for staying friends well, that remains to be seen. I still feel I did the right thing and at least my conscience is clear.

I just hope that whatever happens next this is a wake up call and that he sorts out his life.

At the end of the day, the money is very important to me but not as important as a life and I just couldn't bring myself to take the risk.

7up4it · 20-02-2006, 3:06 PM

Totally understand and respect your decision, I doubt very much that your friend realises what a good friend he has in you!

I hope he sorts his life out sooner rather than later.

Whitley Bob · 20-02-2006, 5:21 PM

A long-time friend of mine was in some serious money trouble as well as having just split from his girlfriend. She had been a major contributor to his debt. He didn't ask for help. I wish I'd read the signs sooner but with a young family of my own it would have been very hard to offer financial help. If I had helped he might be still alive today.
It's been almost eight years now but hardly a day goes by where I wish he was still around.

NicolasB · 20-02-2006, 5:50 PM

This may sound harsh, but I'd be inclined not to lend the money in this case. If the guy needs money to pay off criminals then the only sensible option is for him to go to the police. If he doesn't, they will only come back for more as soon as they realise he can pay, and then where will he be?

MartinImber · 20-02-2006, 6:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klr10

Many thanks to everyone who's replied to this thread. It has at least made me feel a little better to share it with some fellow impartial folk.

All I can say is that having known him for all that time I know he wouldn't ask for it unless he needed it very badly. I've never seen him in tears and in such a state than when I brought it to him.

If criminals are involved the ONLY people he can talk to are the Police, if it is to give to the criminals whose kit he dumped - he should report them to the Police, if they threaten him, tell the Police.

They need to know that they cannot boss around non criminals

klr10 · 20-02-2006, 10:24 PM

All your comments are very warming. I am very grateful that you care enough to reply.

Martin, I am very much in agreement but I live in East London. The police are very busy here, in our local paper we see at least three or four murders a week.

I spoke to him today he is a much happier and different person and I know he is going to try his hardest to sort this out.

The police have a very difficult job to do. I've lived in many different areas, this is not a good place to be crime-wise and I'm sure they would not want to waste time fixing something that's been resolved one way or another.

I'm sliding rapidly toward 50. Life is short. Don't waste it on the small stuff (like money)

Thanks again to you all.

Adrenochrome · 20-02-2006, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klr10

Many thanks to everyone who's replied to this thread. It has at least made me feel a little better to share it with some fellow impartial folk.

All I can say is that having known him for all that time I know he wouldn't ask for it unless he needed it very badly. I've never seen him in tears and in such a state than when I brought it to him.

I can't bring myself to believe his story and I don't expect I'll get the money back. I do know something bad had happened, I agree it could be all sorts of things but then I guess if your life is in danger you will talk quite quickly and say whatever you think will work.

As for staying friends well, that remains to be seen. I still feel I did the right thing and at least my conscience is clear.

I just hope that whatever happens next this is a wake up call and that he sorts out his life.

At the end of the day, the money is very important to me but not as important as a life and I just couldn't bring myself to take the risk.

It is only money at the end of the day so for what it's worth i think you did the right thing

klr10 · 20-02-2006, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adrenochrome

It is only money at the end of the day so for what it's worth i think you did the right thing

Thanks fella.

Mr Cat · 21-02-2006, 2:24 PM

ask yourself this - whats more important, losing the money or a friend?

Digger · 21-02-2006, 2:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adrenochrome

It is only money at the end of the day so for what it's worth i think you did the right thing

Although I generally agree with this sentiment, my own opinion is that having "gifted" your mate £2.5k you are entitled to choose whether to involve yourself or not with his affairs that led to this situation. Only so that you can help and give him some wise counsel. For me, a "close" 30 year friendship and digging (no pun intended

) a mate out of trouble in that manner deserves an explanation. Only my opinion for what its worth...

Astaroth · 21-02-2006, 2:43 PM

Personally I would have got more of the details of why a friend needed the money before lending it - for one sometimes money isnt the correct answer and you may be able to come up with a better solution. If I was a close to someone who is having problems I would have also expected to know about it before a middle of the night call.... there are rarely things that come up that quickly.

I have lent friends more than that is in question here but in each case I have known what it is for and it was the correct thing to do. In this case the story seems a little odd and certainly would want to know why he had disposed of the known stolen goods after "allowing" them into the property... I would also question why a mate was mixed up with people wanting stolen goods stored.

stevegreen · 21-02-2006, 2:48 PM

A work colleague once phoned me and asked to borrow £3k for an 'investment' and said I would get the money back, plus some, in a week or so.

I declined immediately.

3 months later he was sacked for stealing from the company and is awaiting trial at court for the theft of around £21k

Digger · 21-02-2006, 3:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevegreen

A work colleague once phoned me and asked to borrow £3k for an 'investment' and said I would get the money back, plus some, in a week or so.

I declined immediately.

3 months later he was sacked for stealing from the company and is awaiting trial at court for the theft of around £21k

DONT get me started...but my brother (a kind christian lawyer - they do exist!) was conned by a work colleague into setting up a business, which ended up in my brother borrowing a VERY large amount of money from our parents - which needless to say was frittered away by the low life barsteward. He conned others as well. My brother in liaison with the police managed to entrap him, and he was sent to prison for only a year or two if I recall correctly.... Everyone has suffered, brother feels incredibly guilty, and for me it is next to impossible for me to get financial help towards buying my first property. I know I should not feel angry about it. but sometimes I just want to get my hands on that man and turn him into a snivelling wreck!

Sorry for going off-topic. Just had to get it off my chest...

20-02-2006, 12:42 PM	#15
shadowritten Guest Posts: n/a	I've had my own FATHER try to scam me for £4000 before now! Long story, but the guy's got a gambling habit, so needless to say he didn't get a penny. Very suss story this, though. I'm afraid I wouldn't lend that kind of money without knowing more. Once lent my mate of 22 years £1300, but got every penny back in six months.
	Quote