Dealing with a bereavement

[Bren]

I feel a bit silly posting this but i am really struggling after losing my Mother last Sunday(28th). She went into hospital to have a brain tumour removed & we were told it was fairly routine. The next 4 & a half weeks were a rollercoaster of ups & downs in her condition. On Friday & Saturady she had her best 2 days & we were all making plans for when she came home. We were called in on Sunday morning & all the immediate family were there. I held her hand as she passed away in the evening. I know its quite soon but i still cannot comprehend what has happened. I was not expecting to have to do this for another 20 years or so. We are all supporting each other through everything but i just cannot see how i will ever be able to deal with it & process what has happened.

[lostinspace]

So sorry for your loss, mate. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
I don't think you ever get over a loss like this- you just learn to handle it. My dad died in 1983 and I will always miss him, but time does make it easier to handle.
All I would say is, don't bottle it up. It is right to grieve, and is an essential part of the recovery process. It sounds like you will have lots of support from family and friends, so rely on eachother and you will get through.

[JimiAces]

very sorry to hear about your loss. my thoughts are with you and your family.

as lostinspace says time is a healer, it may not feel like it at the moment but you'll get over the shock and begin to be able to remember her with a smile.

i have lost a number of close family members and friends over the years including my younger cousin who died very suddenly at only 17 and i will miss each and every one of them.

make sure to talk to people about how you are feeling whether it be friends or family, its always good to let your feelings out!

Jimi

[Haly]

So sorry to hear that
I lost my Dad suddenly last April and I'm still trying to adjust to things now. Really is an awful experience to go through.
There's no platitudes I can give because tbh, as blunt as it sounds, they don't really help right now at this stage for you. Although I do suggest trying to talk as much as possible with friends and family, there might be no solutions but it does help to get it out.

Hope you have a good group of friends and family to support you. It's the kind of thing that makes you realise who your true friends are very quickly.

[Londondecca]

Sorry to hear about your loss. I found this link which might be helpful at some stage Bereavement

The death of a loved one is crushing especially in the early stages of bereavement. I think the sorrow never goes but it does become bearable, eventually.

[THE_FORCE]

Hi Bren and sorry to hear about your loss mate. The only thing I can add to what has already been said, is that there is no right or wrong way in how you should be feeling, neither is there a time limit on what you should be feeling at a certain time....(if that makes sense ?).

Some peeps don't grieve, or maybe they will grieve many years down the line. You may feel as though your pain in loss will never go away, and it probably won't - but it sure as well get lighter. Time is a healer as you know.

What you need to do, and believe me in this, is to remember all the good times and positive memories you hold of your mother and yourself, and the comfort will come from within these memories.

Don't think of your mum as gone.....just waiting for you in a better place.

[1 Install]

So sorry for your loss, keep your chin up i doubt she would want you to be sad try and celebrate her life rather than let it get you down

[raigraphixs]

Originally Posted by Bren

I feel a bit silly posting this but i am really struggling after losing my Mother last Sunday(28th). She went into hospital to have a brain tumour removed & we were told it was fairly routine. The next 4 & a half weeks were a rollercoaster of ups & downs in her condition. On Friday & Saturady she had her best 2 days & we were all making plans for when she came home. We were called in on Sunday morning & all the immediate family were there. I held her hand as she passed away in the evening. I know its quite soon but i still cannot comprehend what has happened. I was not expecting to have to do this for another 20 years or so. We are all supporting each other through everything but i just cannot see how i will ever be able to deal with it & process what has happened.

Really sorry to hear that, there is no simple answer coping with the loss off a loved one especially a mum, no one can describe the pain, i was in that position when i lost my mum a few years back, she passed away in my arms at the hospital, i was on my own with her, it was scary. It will be very very hard for the first 3 or 4 months, seeing her at the undertakers and the funeral were especially difficult.

I found it very hard to have a conversation about her to anyone my eye's would just well up. I know exactly how numb you must be feeling. I found the support off friends in the earlier months, and joining this forum a few months later another way to cope.

But the support stopped from people, who seem to forget its not just painful for 2 or 4 months, it lasts years, and i had to cope on my own, and you might not think it now, but over time, it will get a little easier, im feel lucky to have so many nieces and nephews, that took and take away a lot off the sorrow. The sad fact is death is apart off life. Talking about her with your family and friends years later, keeps the memories alive, and in your heart.


rai

[Kieron]

Very sorry Bren. I'm going through it myself now too. Thoughts with you though.

[G@zz@]

Originally Posted by Bren

I feel a bit silly posting this but i am really struggling after losing my Mother last Sunday(28th). She went into hospital to have a brain tumour removed & we were told it was fairly routine. The next 4 & a half weeks were a rollercoaster of ups & downs in her condition. On Friday & Saturady she had her best 2 days & we were all making plans for when she came home. We were called in on Sunday morning & all the immediate family were there. I held her hand as she passed away in the evening. I know its quite soon but i still cannot comprehend what has happened. I was not expecting to have to do this for another 20 years or so. We are all supporting each other through everything but i just cannot see how i will ever be able to deal with it & process what has happened.

Very sorry to hear about your loss and I know just how you are feeling at this moment in time.

It does get easier over time, I know people always say this, but it does ease slowly. Please try and spend as much time as possible with family and friends. This helped me quite a lot when my Mum died. Of course when I was back home on my own, I would just cry and cry. But its all the part of grieving and we all cope with it in different ways.

Its 7 years this month since my Dad died. He had gone though an horrendoues time with one thing and another, which resulted in having both his legs ampuated over an 18 month period. But he got on with things and made the most of his life. He went in to hospital for a checkup on his throat, which involved a scrape or something. Three days later he died suddenly thorugh the night while at home. I was the first family member contacted and had to go round and confirm he was dead to my mum.

Then in Sept 2006 my Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer, they gave her 6 months to live. She managed 8 and passed away at home with me at her side in May 2007.

Without doubt these were the worst experiences of my life. So I really understand and know how you must feel right now.

Its just over 2 years now since she died and for no reason I can still just break down and start crying.

Just take one day at a time and cherish all those good times you had with her. Please spend time with your family and friends as I am sure it will help you.... and one another.

If you ever want to chat, then please do not hesitate to PM me.

Take care and my deepest sympathy for your sudden loss.

[damo_in_sale]

Originally Posted by Bren

We are all supporting each other through everything.

What you wrote above is your solution Bren, and it will be aided by time.

If you Dad was around previously then, given that you suggest that this is your first major bereavement, he will require your help, support and comfort enormously. If you take it upon yourself to do this, then I strongly believe that you will find comfort just from this simple act. Involve your whole family.

I think you might be amazed at how much better you might feel if this option is open to you, and you take it.

I am so very sorry for your loss,

All the best mate,

Damo

[Reepicheep]

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum through breast cancer when I was 21 so I know something of what you are going through. It does get easier with time.

[Crocodile]

My missus picked up a copy of Gloria Hunniford's "Always With You" after losing her mother earlier this year. She's found it helpful.

[neilios]

Sorry for your loss,i lost my best m8 on a night out last yr on christams eve ,taxi knocked him over and killed him instantly .

I suppose were all different and it does get easier over time ,never really one for anger myself ,but just tears, sadness and then remember the good times .
Good luck m8.

[RMCF]

So sorry to hear about your loss - you will find the times ahead very painful but you WILL get over the loss and learn to cope with it. You will never forget, but you will get over it.

I lost my dad in 93. He died of a heart attack at home aged 55, and died more or less in my arms. I found it a very hard thing to take and for 6 months I was a wreck. I felt like my world had ended, and that things would never get better.

He was one of those dads who was the main source of all things wise in our entire family circle, not just my immediate family. Everyone looked up to him. His death came as a massive shock to us all.

The first few years were very tough. But now we all look back on his life with great memories. You still think about him everyday, but now I can put his last 30mins on this earth behind me and remember all the good times. At the time I wished I hadn't been there to witness his final moments as they shocked me at the time, but now I am so glad I was there with him.

So remember that you will have very hard times ahead. Everyone is different. Cry when you need to. Don't be afraid to cry with members of your family. In fact cry with whoever you want. Grieving is a necessary part of recovering from this. Seek bereavement counselling if you feel you need it. But you will get over it and learn to move on with your life. Death is something that we all have to learn to cope with. For me, from something that was the worst thing ever to happen in my life, I came out of it all a massively different and stronger person. I looked on life totally differently and it made me a much better person.

Take care in the times ahead. And remember all those good times. No one can take them away from you.