[Codehead]

As a counterpoint to the favorite book thread, what are the worst books you've ever read?

I have two nominations:

The entire Survivalist series by Jerry Ahern. I used to read them on the bus over my last few years at school (and first few years at work).

The series starts off well with the main character's journey across the US to find his family after Nuclear war breaks out. However, by the time I'd stopped reading (around No 22), there were mutant biker gangs, cryogenic Nazis, underwater Communists and all sorts of crazy going on. Plus, most of the content was gun porn. Ahern could spend an entire page detailing a custom pistol, and only two sentences describing the actual gunfight.

My second nomination is a book that I can't even remember the title of.
I was stuck in Kabul for 5 days in a tiny transit room with nothing to do. I found a trashy cyperpunk novel about a female assassin who used a pistol with a phallic silencer to 'pleasure' herself before going on a hit. It was terribly written, but all I had to pass the time was eating, sleeping and reading this book until my plane turned up, so I read it 3 times.

[phairplay]

Every book that titles it self as being the new DA VINCI CODE.

[kav]

I absolutely detest all those novels about abusive childhoods with titles like "Please don't stab me again, Mamma" and "Scarred for Life - one woman's story of her escape from abuse". I read all of Dave Pelzer's novels several years ago and found them genuinely moving, but now it seems every Tom, Dick and Mary who's had a difficult childhood is writing about it - and worse, the bookstores have even created a specific genre for it!

To all those numpties with no literary talent cashing in on your crappy childhoods - get over it, ****face! Give me peace, I don't want to be assaulted by an entire section of whingers while I'm browsing.

[leeb-1977]

Originally Posted by kavanf1

I absolutely detest all those novels about abusive childhoods with titles like "Please don't stab me again, Mamma" and "Scarred for Life - one woman's story of her escape from abuse". I read all of Dave Pelzer's novels several years ago and found them genuinely moving, but now it seems every Tom, Dick and Mary who's had a difficult childhood is writing about it - and worse, the bookstores have even created a specific genre for it!

To all those numpties with no literary talent cashing in on your crappy childhoods - get over it, shitface! Give me peace, I don't want to be assaulted by an entire section of whingers while I'm browsing.

Couldnt agree more - the Dave Pelzer books were both harrowing and inspiring.... but the trend of every other person release there story has to stop.

I feel for these people - and for many i can understand that writing a book can be theraputic... but to have a 'suicide' section in book stores is over the top imho.

Anyway - as much as i agree with the poster above me - my worst book has to be:

The Summer Tree by Gay Gaverial Kay.

Now.... i LOVE fantasy as a genre - theres a whole heap of books i could bang on about for days (cant help but nod towards Terry Goodkind and George RR Martin when i say that).... but GGK's summer tree is appauling!

Theres actually a very good story to be told in the book - but its marred by an author who is so clearly up his own arse that he can see the back of his teeth. Ive never read a style so pretentious (spelling??) in all of my life .

Im a massive book lover - i churn my way through a fair old number each month.... and in all of my years reading this is the only book that ive thrown down in disgust and rage!

I would have wrote to GGK about it i wasnt worried about him replying and me having to read more of his dribble.

[DPinBucks]

Originally Posted by phairplay

Every book that titles it self as being the new DA VINCI CODE.

Why be exclusive?

Include anything by Dan Brown. Turgid prose, predictive narrative. It took the heros two-thirds of the book to twig the anagram to LEONARDO DA VINCI. It took me 3 seconds.

The Morse books by Colin Dexter are also surprisingly poor reading: the plots are OK but the writing isn't.

Anything by Tolkein. Pretentious tosh.

"Once I put it down I couldn't pick it up again" - Dorothy Parker (I think)

[whiskyboozer]

Any of the books named in this thread

Fantasy Thread

Honestly guys fantasy fiction is alright if you are 14 or under, beyond that you should have grown out of it by now. Is it the occasional appearance of a scantiy clad Amazonian type female on the front cover that keeps your interest going?

For my money it's Mills and Boon for blokes. F>F>S please no mentions of Terry Pratchett- Barbara ****ing Cartland wannabe.

[Codehead]

Originally Posted by whiskyboozer

Any of the books named in this thread

Fantasy Thread

Honestly guys fantasy fiction is alright if you are 14 or under, beyond that you should have grown out of it by now. Is it the occasional appearance of a scantiy clad Amazonian type female on the front cover that keeps your interest going?

For my money it's Mills and Boon for blokes. F>F>S please no mentions of Terry Pratchett- Barbara ****ing Cartland wannabe.

I was worried that a book forum would be a bit elitist and people would frown upon the choices of others. But so far, I've been pleasantly surprised with the good atmosphere.*

I was surprised that Fantasy was so popular actually. I'm a big fan, but I didn't expect many others here to share the view. Most of the ones I've recommended in the Fantasy thread do have samey themes, but they're pure escapism. Why shouldn't I read it if I enjoy it?

Terry Pratchett is a legend and if you bad mouth him again, I'll send Bloody Stupid Johnson round to sort out your plumbing.


*Until I read the above,

[PaulieBeef]

Originally Posted by whiskyboozer

Any of the books named in this thread

Fantasy Thread

Honestly guys fantasy fiction is alright if you are 14 or under, beyond that you should have grown out of it by now. Is it the occasional appearance of a scantiy clad Amazonian type female on the front cover that keeps your interest going?

For my money it's Mills and Boon for blokes. F>F>S please no mentions of Terry Pratchett- Barbara ****ing Cartland wannabe.

Sorry if we don't all live up to your lofty standards of literature, mate. I better stop reading about comely maidens and dragons and dig out my copy of Ulysses. Each to their own, I suppose?

[Steven]

Da Vinci Code

Childish, predictable writing

Annoyed that is what passes for a bestseller

[kav]

Originally Posted by whiskyboozer

Honestly guys fantasy fiction is alright if you are 14 or under, beyond that you should have grown out of it by now. Is it the occasional appearance of a scantiy clad Amazonian type female on the front cover that keeps your interest going?

Not sure if you're just saying this to get a rise out of people, but your stereotypical comment smacks of ignorance. I'd previously dismissed fantasy as something that wouldn't interest me, until a friend introduced me to George RR Martin, who has written some of the most well-constructed, tautly-written novels in any genre - fantasy or otherwise.

I presume since you're here that you're a reader - what I don't get is how anyone with an interest in books could dismiss everything in a genre as being unsuitable to anyone except horny pubescent teens. Would be interested to hear what the basis for your comment is - I assume you have read some books from the genre to come to your conclusion?

On The Da Vinci Code - overrated, yes. Poorly-written, yes. Interesting storyline, also yes. You can knock Brown for a lot of things, but his books are entertaining if nothing else. Brown's books remind me of the Hardy Boys books in a way - predictable storylines and obvious twists, but keeping the reader involved by the momentum of their own ridiculousness. It's fashionable among the literati to snub Brown, but he came up with a winning formula - a book for people who don't do books - so if nothing else he can be praised for making people who wouldn't normally read pick up a novel.

[RMCF]

Never understood the flak that the Da Vinci Code got.

Ok so its no masterpiece and written in a bad style, but I think he delivered just what people wanted for a quick read. I think the whole conspiracy thing helped too of course, despite the fact that the conspiracy debunkers in GC would laugh at everything raised in the book.

It has a lot of chapters, most of them very short. Its easy read, moves along at a good pace and probably sold 80% of its sales for holiday reading by the pool.

I wish I had written such dross !!!!

[leeb-1977]

couldn't agree more with anything said below. Anyone who dismisses fantasy as a genre clearly hasn't read RR Martin. It almost reads as a medieval political drama. Bloody brilliant stuff, and certianly not aimed at horny teenagers.

To be honest i think the OP of the anti fantasy comment is a tad naive. Some fantasy stuff is utter rubbish, but in amongst the rubbish there's some brilliant stuff.... You just have to get down from the soap box to spot it.

Originally Posted by kavanf1

Not sure if you're just saying this to get a rise out of people, but your stereotypical comment smacks of ignorance. I'd previously dismissed fantasy as something that wouldn't interest me, until a friend introduced me to George RR Martin, who has written some of the most well-constructed, tautly-written novels in any genre - fantasy or otherwise.

I presume since you're here that you're a reader - what I don't get is how anyone with an interest in books could dismiss everything in a genre as being unsuitable to anyone except horny pubescent teens. Would be interested to hear what the basis for your comment is - I assume you have read some books from the genre to come to your conclusion?

On The Da Vinci Code - overrated, yes. Poorly-written, yes. Interesting storyline, also yes. You can knock Brown for a lot of things, but his books are entertaining if nothing else. Brown's books remind me of the Hardy Boys books in a way - predictable storylines and obvious twists, but keeping the reader involved by the momentum of their own ridiculousness. It's fashionable among the literati to snub Brown, but he came up with a winning formula - a book for people who don't do books - so if nothing else he can be praised for making people who wouldn't normally read pick up a novel.

[Rorifett]

Ugh, worst book I've ever read has got to be Catch 22. I know there's a plot in there (somewhere) but do I really need to read 400+ pages on random, stoner conversations? No, I believe I don't, hence it got put down at about page 250...

I just couldn't get into it at all, don't know if it was my failing for trying to read it when I was too young/stoned but just couldn't force myself to read through any more of it. There was a book called 'Gene' that I read a while back, whilst not the worst book I've read (and it did have some mildly interesting storyline stuff) I just felt it was a bit crap. It was to fantasyesque books what the Da Vinci Code is to proper literature, I'm sure if I'd tried to read it thinking it was going to be a bit crap it would've seemed better but I went in with an open mind and got burned

[kav]

Originally Posted by Rorifett

Ugh, worst book I've ever read has got to be Catch 22. I know there's a plot in there (somewhere) but do I really need to read 400+ pages on random, stoner conversations? No, I believe I don't, hence it got put down at about page 250...

Seriously?! Catch-22 is one of the cleverest books I've ever read. All the absurdity is absolutely intentional.

[Rorifett]

Originally Posted by kavanf1

Seriously?! Catch-22 is one of the cleverest books I've ever read. All the absurdity is absolutely intentional.

I know it's inentional but my god, I couldn't handle having conversations with my mates which were as random just to come home and settle into my bed for a few hours with another set of just as random conversations As I say, it was possibly to do with being too young and too high but I just could not will myself on to finsh the book

[Educated Guess]

James Joyce Ulysses, what the hell was going on . I have tried to read this on several occasions (just so I could tick it off my list of classics) and always given a quarter of the way in, utter nonsense.

[DPinBucks]

It's interesting, this, isn't it?

It's a great idea to have a section on the worst books ever, but all it ever boils down to is opinion. There's nothing wrong with that, obviously, but it makes debate difficult.

Is Catch-22 a great book? Well I think so; it's right up there just about at No 1 on my list. But lots of people hate it, and their reasons are just as good as mine for loving it.

Similarly, but opposite, for Lord Of The Rings. I can't stand it (though I liked the films. Go figure).

I suppose we have to distinguish between well-liked books and great books. The Da Vinci Code is, imo, not great. In fact, I think it's awful. But I certainly can't deny its popularity. And its central premise, though not original, is intriguing.

And I'm perfectly prepared to accept that Tolkein was a great writer. But not for me.

Don't get me wrong: I'm enjoying this thread and am not trying to stop it. Just putting a few thoughts into words, that's all.

[Theydon Bois]

Originally Posted by DPinBucks

Similarly, but opposite, for Lord Of The Rings. I can't stand it (though I liked the films. Go figure).

/agree

I am one of those that still has not read the Lord of the Rongs all the way through. It took me three seperate attempts to read the first book - my fantasy diet before LoR was Feist and Gemmell, and to read 60 pages of conversation as the Elves council the boys on their way to Mount Doom was tedious beyond belief.

I finally finished it (after I had seen the films) and got through the second and some of the third - stopping as another 20 odd page brain buster as he describes the swampy swampyness of the swamps.

Its well documented that he only wrote the book to implent the Elven Language, and so the characters always took a backseat and the descriptive backgrounds of the landscape is what caused the film to be classed as 'unfilmable'.

I will try again one day from the begining again, simply because the films were so good and I feel I owe it to them.

[Rorifett]

Gormenghast... Argh, there's another book which describes things in far too much detail, have never managed to get past the first description of the castle. Or something else made of grey rocks.

[Sonic67]

The Last Of The Mohicans - I found the book impenetrable. The only book I've ever given up on.

[UnGreat]

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke.

I have rarely given up on a book but that steaming pile is just pages and pages and pages of people milling about doing nothing. I got just over half way through and realised little had happened for the last 100 pages so I sold it.

[Codehead]

Ditto on LoTR. It is soooooo slow. I did read the whole trilogy just before the films came out, but it wasn't particularly enjoyable. The films did a good job of skirting around the tedium, even if the die-hard fans didn't like it.
I enjoyed the Hobbit, it is faster paced and doesn't get bogged down in details. Aimed at 'younger readers' though.

[Theydon Bois]

Originally Posted by Codehead

I enjoyed the Hobbit, it is faster paced and doesn't get bogged down in details. Aimed at 'younger readers' though.

Exactly! I loved the Hobbit when I was younger, but I tried to look again recently, and I think I read something like "......but no children, thats not what happened at all..." or something really condescending. I will just remember it as a good kids book - probably until Jackson/?????? does the Hobbit.

[Rorifett]

Originally Posted by Theydon Bois

probably until Jackson/?????? does the Hobbit.

Sorry, I'll grow up again hehe

[kopchoir]

Originally Posted by DPinBucks

I suppose we have to distinguish between well-liked books and great books. The Da Vinci Code is, imo, not great. In fact, I think it's awful. But I certainly can't deny its popularity. And its central premise, though not original, is intriguing.

.

But doesnt that what makes a great book i thought the films spoilt it some what,but i then went on to read his other books which i found better its a definate turn pager
His new book is out next week and i think im goign to get it

[IRobot]

"Battlefield Earth" by Ron Hubbard. The only book I've never managed to finish. I've read hundreds of sci-fi but "Battlefield Earth" was just plain stupid.

[sniffer66]

Originally Posted by UnGreat

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke.

I have rarely given up on a book but that steaming pile is just pages and pages and pages of people milling about doing nothing. I got just over half way through and realised little had happened for the last 100 pages so I sold it.

Damn, you beat me to it ! My wife bought it for my birthday so I felt obliged to wade through it. Because its written in the Victorian literary style its extremely hard going. I wouldnt mind so much if it had an interesting plot!
Yawntastic.

[sniffer66]

Shoot me down on a book forum but anything by Chaucer or Shakespeare. I have too many painful memories of English Lit and being forced to endlessly analyse the meaning in every paragraph.
Personally I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than have to sit and attempt to decipher "Olde" English again ! If I want obscure I can just sit and talk to my wife

[Codehead]

Originally Posted by IRobot

"Battlefield Earth" by Ron Hubbard. The only book I've never managed to finish. I've read hundreds of sci-fi but "Battlefield Earth" was just plain stupid.

I actually enjoyed the book, but the film was atrocious!

[Rorifett]

Originally Posted by kopchoir

But doesnt that what makes a great book i thought the films spoilt it some what,but i then went on to read his other books which i found better its a definate turn pager
His new book is out next week and i think im goign to get it

Personally for me a great book has to be written in a style that I like, I found Dan Brown's stuff to be too Scooby Doo'ish in it's approach. For almost a whole chapter the character's will be puzzling over the answer then at the end someone chirps in with 'Oh, I've just remembered, that means yadda yadda so we can now go to the next chapter...' and I hated his insistence of putting french (or whatever language it was) in the book, I never studied the language, if yer gonna do that stop being a pompus so and so and put in a translation as well. Stupid things like the way that every character who seems to be helpful is really the 'baddies' and everyone who seems to be a right awkward git are the folks who are really there to help... Argh, sorry, I could go on a 'How much I hate Dan Brown' rant and ruin this thread lol I'll go crawl back under me rock
As was mentioned by someone else, I thought the premise of the book was ok but just hated his writing style so much that I couldn't take any enjoyment out of the story.