EricHitchmo
07-03-2006, 9:17 PM
Pretty much the best film of 2002 imo. Some choice quotes:
Alcoholic Customer: Do you serve beer or any alcohol?
Enid: I wish. Actually you wish... after about five minutes of this movie, you're gonna wish you had ten beers.
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Rebecca: This is so bad it's almost good.
Enid: This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: You actually like that guy?
Enid: I don't know, I kind of like him. He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate. In a way, he's such a clueless dork, he's almost kind of cool.
Rebecca: That guy is many things, but he's definitely not cool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: I can't relate to 99% of humanity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: Oh, face it, you just hate every single guy on the face of the earth.
Enid: That's not true. I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: God, what a bunch of retards...
Rebecca: I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up.
Enid: I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her.
Rebecca: It's totally sickening.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: I think only stupid people have good relationships.
Seymour: That's the spirit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: Oh look, there he is.
Enid: As always.
Rebecca: Waiting for the bus that never comes.
Enid: I wonder if he's just totally insane, or he really thinks the bus is coming?
Rebecca: Why don't you just ask him?
Enid: Hi. What's your name?
Norman: Norman.
Enid: Are you waiting for a bus?
Norman: Yes.
Enid: I hate to tell you this, but they canceled this bus line two years ago. There are no more buses on this street.
Norman: You don't know what you're talking about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: So, what do you do if you're a Satanist?
Enid: Sacrifice virgins and stuff.
Rebecca: I guess that lets us off the hook.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: I think I'm going crazy from sexual frustration.
Rebecca: And you haven't heard the miracle of masturbation?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxine: It's really quite something to see you all grown-up like this, Enid. I'd love to know what you're doing now. I can't help but feel I had some small part in how you turned out. What're you studying? You were always such a smart little girl.
Enid: I'm taking a remedial high school art class for ****-ups and retards.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour: Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Seymour can't wait for two mothers and their many kids to cross an intersection]
Seymour: What are we, in slow motion here? C'mon, what are you, hypnotized? Have some more kids, why don't you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't relate to other people, so you fill your life with stuff... I'm just like all these other collector losers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Enid is looking at the racist logo of Cook's Chicken, formerly Coon Chicken]
Enid: So, I don't get it. Are you saying things were better then, even though there was stuff like this?
Seymour: I suppose things are better now, but... I don't know. People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Hey, look. There's the pants.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Doug comes into the Sidewinder without a shirt on]
Doug: What's up, Josh? Give me two packs of cigarettes today. Working overtime: Sixteen hours.
[Puts malt liquir bottle on the counter]
Doug: And nature's nectar, wake-up juice. And give me six of these beef jerky's. I'm hungry enough to chew the crotch out of a rag doll.
[Sidewinder Boss spots him]
Sidewinder Boss: Hey. Hey. How many times do I have to tell you? No shirt, no service. Get the hell out of my store. What do you think this is, Club Med?
Doug: It's called America, dude. Learn the rules.
Sidewinder Boss: "Learn the rules?" No, YOU learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy.
Doug: You also invented homos.
Sidewinder Boss: **** you.
Doug: You wish. You gotta buy me dinner first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doug: Rock n' roll, baby: Freedom of speech.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[on a comedian billed as the weirdest man in show biz]
Enid: If he's so weird, why is he wearing Nikes?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: It's not like I'm some modern punk, dickhead. It's an obvious, 1977 original punk rock look. I guess Johnny ****face over there's too stupid to realize it.
Rebecca: I didn't really get it either.
Enid: Everyone's too stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[observing Seymour's order from across the diner]
Enid: Oh my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk.
Josh: ...That's a vanilla milkshake.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after seeing Seymour just miss hitting a truck]
Enid: Oh my god. It's him. He's insane.
Rebecca: We should follow him home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: Well, I have to admit that things are really starting to look up for me since my life turned to ****.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angry Garage Sale Woman: How much for this dress?
Rebecca: God, I can't believe you're selling that.
Enid: That's $500.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: What?
Enid: 500.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: You're crazy. It should be like $2.
Enid: I was wearing that dress when I lost my virginity.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: Why do I care?
Enid: Well, why do you want it? I mean, it would look stupid on you anyway.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: God. **** you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dana: I am so excited to see this movie. Dustoffvarnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, "The Flower that Drank the Moon"? It was simply glorious!
Seymour: I guess I must have missed that one. But then what do I know. I like Laurel and Hardy movies.
Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roberta: That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror." I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I feel it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[at their High School graduation, Enid and Rebecca encounter Melorra, an incredibly cute and annoying classmate]
Melorra: Oh my God. We have to get together this summer.
Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah... That'll definitely happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Josh.
Rebecca: Josh.
Enid, Rebecca: Josh!
Enid: God, I'll bet he's in there jerking off.
Rebecca: I'll bet he never jerks off.
Enid: Yeah, he's beyond human, and stuff like that.
Rebecca: Should we leave him a note?
Enid: Sure. You got a pen?
[Rebecca pulls out a pen, Enid takes it]
Enid: [writing] Dear Josh, we came by to **** you, but you were not home. Therefore... you are gay. Signed Tiffany, and Amber.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melorra: Oh my god, you guys. We actually made it!
Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah. We graduated high school. How... totally... amazing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Wow, look at me. I'm not even listening to a word you're saying.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Ellis: You know, you never paid me for that Indian dance routine tape.
Enid: Yes I did.
John Ellis: You Jews are so clever with money.
Enid: **** you. Stupid redneck hick.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soda Customer: Hi, can I get a medium 7-Up?
Enid: ...Medium? Why sir, did you know that for a mere 25 cents more you can purchase a large beverage? And you know... I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends: Medium is really only for suckers who don't know the concept of value.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Look at this.
Rebecca: What?
Enid: Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh.
Rebecca: Oh, God. How perfect.
Enid: He better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[pretending to hold up Starbucks in a Catwoman mask]
Enid: Gimme all your money, bitch!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: God, I'm so sick of Seymour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: Let the machine get it, I have no desire to talk to anyone who might be calling me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: By the end of the summer you're going to be up to your neck in pussy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Are you into girls with big tits?
Seymour: As long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phillip: It's a really great video game about a guy who kills people with a big hammer.
Roberta: Oh. I thought it was supposed to be your father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: How come all that time I was trying to get you a date you never asked me out?
Seymour: You're a beautiful girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Yeah, yeah, just list your five main interests in order of importance.
Seymour: I'm gonna have to put trad, trad jazz, Blues then rhythm at the top of the list.
Enid: Right, so, let's just put music, that way we only use up one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Josh, he's nobody's boyfriend, he's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: How can you stand all these assholes
Rebecca: Some people are ok, mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reggae Fan: You guys up for some reggae tonight?
Alcoholic Customer: Do you serve beer or any alcohol?
Enid: I wish. Actually you wish... after about five minutes of this movie, you're gonna wish you had ten beers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: This is so bad it's almost good.
Enid: This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: You actually like that guy?
Enid: I don't know, I kind of like him. He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate. In a way, he's such a clueless dork, he's almost kind of cool.
Rebecca: That guy is many things, but he's definitely not cool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: I can't relate to 99% of humanity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: Oh, face it, you just hate every single guy on the face of the earth.
Enid: That's not true. I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: God, what a bunch of retards...
Rebecca: I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up.
Enid: I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her.
Rebecca: It's totally sickening.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: I think only stupid people have good relationships.
Seymour: That's the spirit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: Oh look, there he is.
Enid: As always.
Rebecca: Waiting for the bus that never comes.
Enid: I wonder if he's just totally insane, or he really thinks the bus is coming?
Rebecca: Why don't you just ask him?
Enid: Hi. What's your name?
Norman: Norman.
Enid: Are you waiting for a bus?
Norman: Yes.
Enid: I hate to tell you this, but they canceled this bus line two years ago. There are no more buses on this street.
Norman: You don't know what you're talking about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: So, what do you do if you're a Satanist?
Enid: Sacrifice virgins and stuff.
Rebecca: I guess that lets us off the hook.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: I think I'm going crazy from sexual frustration.
Rebecca: And you haven't heard the miracle of masturbation?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxine: It's really quite something to see you all grown-up like this, Enid. I'd love to know what you're doing now. I can't help but feel I had some small part in how you turned out. What're you studying? You were always such a smart little girl.
Enid: I'm taking a remedial high school art class for ****-ups and retards.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour: Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Seymour can't wait for two mothers and their many kids to cross an intersection]
Seymour: What are we, in slow motion here? C'mon, what are you, hypnotized? Have some more kids, why don't you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't relate to other people, so you fill your life with stuff... I'm just like all these other collector losers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Enid is looking at the racist logo of Cook's Chicken, formerly Coon Chicken]
Enid: So, I don't get it. Are you saying things were better then, even though there was stuff like this?
Seymour: I suppose things are better now, but... I don't know. People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Hey, look. There's the pants.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Doug comes into the Sidewinder without a shirt on]
Doug: What's up, Josh? Give me two packs of cigarettes today. Working overtime: Sixteen hours.
[Puts malt liquir bottle on the counter]
Doug: And nature's nectar, wake-up juice. And give me six of these beef jerky's. I'm hungry enough to chew the crotch out of a rag doll.
[Sidewinder Boss spots him]
Sidewinder Boss: Hey. Hey. How many times do I have to tell you? No shirt, no service. Get the hell out of my store. What do you think this is, Club Med?
Doug: It's called America, dude. Learn the rules.
Sidewinder Boss: "Learn the rules?" No, YOU learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy.
Doug: You also invented homos.
Sidewinder Boss: **** you.
Doug: You wish. You gotta buy me dinner first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doug: Rock n' roll, baby: Freedom of speech.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[on a comedian billed as the weirdest man in show biz]
Enid: If he's so weird, why is he wearing Nikes?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: It's not like I'm some modern punk, dickhead. It's an obvious, 1977 original punk rock look. I guess Johnny ****face over there's too stupid to realize it.
Rebecca: I didn't really get it either.
Enid: Everyone's too stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[observing Seymour's order from across the diner]
Enid: Oh my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk.
Josh: ...That's a vanilla milkshake.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after seeing Seymour just miss hitting a truck]
Enid: Oh my god. It's him. He's insane.
Rebecca: We should follow him home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: Well, I have to admit that things are really starting to look up for me since my life turned to ****.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angry Garage Sale Woman: How much for this dress?
Rebecca: God, I can't believe you're selling that.
Enid: That's $500.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: What?
Enid: 500.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: You're crazy. It should be like $2.
Enid: I was wearing that dress when I lost my virginity.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: Why do I care?
Enid: Well, why do you want it? I mean, it would look stupid on you anyway.
Angry Garage Sale Woman: God. **** you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dana: I am so excited to see this movie. Dustoffvarnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, "The Flower that Drank the Moon"? It was simply glorious!
Seymour: I guess I must have missed that one. But then what do I know. I like Laurel and Hardy movies.
Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roberta: That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror." I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I feel it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[at their High School graduation, Enid and Rebecca encounter Melorra, an incredibly cute and annoying classmate]
Melorra: Oh my God. We have to get together this summer.
Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah... That'll definitely happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Josh.
Rebecca: Josh.
Enid, Rebecca: Josh!
Enid: God, I'll bet he's in there jerking off.
Rebecca: I'll bet he never jerks off.
Enid: Yeah, he's beyond human, and stuff like that.
Rebecca: Should we leave him a note?
Enid: Sure. You got a pen?
[Rebecca pulls out a pen, Enid takes it]
Enid: [writing] Dear Josh, we came by to **** you, but you were not home. Therefore... you are gay. Signed Tiffany, and Amber.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melorra: Oh my god, you guys. We actually made it!
Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah. We graduated high school. How... totally... amazing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Wow, look at me. I'm not even listening to a word you're saying.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Ellis: You know, you never paid me for that Indian dance routine tape.
Enid: Yes I did.
John Ellis: You Jews are so clever with money.
Enid: **** you. Stupid redneck hick.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soda Customer: Hi, can I get a medium 7-Up?
Enid: ...Medium? Why sir, did you know that for a mere 25 cents more you can purchase a large beverage? And you know... I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends: Medium is really only for suckers who don't know the concept of value.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Look at this.
Rebecca: What?
Enid: Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh.
Rebecca: Oh, God. How perfect.
Enid: He better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[pretending to hold up Starbucks in a Catwoman mask]
Enid: Gimme all your money, bitch!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca: God, I'm so sick of Seymour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seymour: Let the machine get it, I have no desire to talk to anyone who might be calling me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: By the end of the summer you're going to be up to your neck in pussy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Are you into girls with big tits?
Seymour: As long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phillip: It's a really great video game about a guy who kills people with a big hammer.
Roberta: Oh. I thought it was supposed to be your father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: How come all that time I was trying to get you a date you never asked me out?
Seymour: You're a beautiful girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Yeah, yeah, just list your five main interests in order of importance.
Seymour: I'm gonna have to put trad, trad jazz, Blues then rhythm at the top of the list.
Enid: Right, so, let's just put music, that way we only use up one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: Josh, he's nobody's boyfriend, he's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enid: How can you stand all these assholes
Rebecca: Some people are ok, mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reggae Fan: You guys up for some reggae tonight?